Post No. 10: Love me...

Heidi-Ho Assholes,

I am eagerly waiting for the 14th of February. Mainly for two reasons: one, some girl might grow a pair and ask me out (But if she does grow a pair, I might decline her request... ), but thats just me being horny. Two, my Valentines Day Post. I haven't started it yet, but it will be awesome. It might be in two parts, one posted in the morning the other in the evening. And I am going to be a massive dick. Till now I have taken pot-shots at my friends and a silly pope-quip here and there, but now I am going to rip everyone apart.

Or not. It might be me just being a dick in general. Nothing too rude and too funny (I don't want to spoil my readers with funny content). I say things that I don't mean. A lot.

At home, I have seventeen-eighteen grand stored up. In cash. I don't trust banks. So I was thinking I would pay a girl to like me, but I recently found out they are called prostitutes. And its on an hourly basis. There goes that plan. Plus none of the girls I like are slutty or have father issues. Which is abundant in The US of Assholes but not in India. But I also ask myself; how many guys come up to them(the girls I like) and tell them they totally wanna do them? None, I am guessing. So, if I ask them out I'll get either of the two responses; they might say no (and I'll be an idiot forever, and even without asking someone out, I am pretty close to that situation) or they might be flattered and , possibly, impressed with my confidence, but then they look at me and say no.

Or have pity on me and my sad, insignificant existence and go out with me!

Even though I am grateful to anyone and everyone who talks to me (I mean, come on, who wants to talk to me?), but sometimes people just piss me off. Women in particular. And I am not saying that just because I am a sexist.

I like women. More than men. But I hate skinny women. Most women actors are unnecessarily skinny. I'll tell you what happens when they are too skinny; no big boobs. Very few women are gifted with naturally big breasts and a slender figure but for most, there breast size goes down with their waist size. And this doesn't mean I like fat women (not that there is anything wrong with them) I just don't like extremely skinny women. I like “just slim enough”.

I say, screw size zero.

I am going to bed now. And I'll see you guys (or guy, hey Firdaus) on the 14th.

Hiedi-Ho Assholes.