Super-Post No. 1: The Sausage's in Germany are Big...

Happy valentines day, you love-less freaks,

Today is the day they call the 'day of love'. Who, you ask. Some guy on the Internet, fuckifIknow! (got this one from a friend...>wink, wink<) Yesterday was the thirteenth and a Friday. And it was a good day. Sure a couple hundred fucks all around the world had a crap day, but screw them.

I won't particularly talk about valentines day or love, I don't do so well with mushy stuff. Or flowers. Or candy (doesn't mean I don't love it). Or women. And, again, that does not mean I don't love them. I decided to reveal many things with this post, in case some sad, low-life who I don't know is reading this. Like for starters, my name is not Hawkeye (don't need to be brown to figure that out...), Its Avanish Sathianathan (try pronouncing this you white motherfuckers!).

I also promised I would reveal the person I liked. It'll be done at the end of this massive post. Though when I made the promise, I assumed I would be pretty sloshed when I write this. But it just hit me later; I don't drink! And not that there's anything wrong with that, I hear drunk people are 'better lovers'. Or was it 'easy'?

Anyway, today, people will be asked out, they'll get laid, spend time with that special someone or two, kiss for the first time, sit at home and watch porn while pining for a girl they will never get, gift heart shaped boxes with chocolate in it to friends, etc. For some people, today should be beautiful or >insert other mushy stuff<. For to me (If you idiots haven;t figured it out yet, I am the guy sitting at home watching porn while pining for a girl I will never get, on account of me being stupid and retarded. And fuck ugly) it will be like any other day.

It's sad really. I am getting all down about a day that I believe is a sham. I guess I am finally hitting puberty (about time, won't you say?). I finally need female companionship. Or a dog.

I read that again, and the para above this, the ending, it doesn't sound right. But hopefully you will understand what I mean after you are done laughing or thinking about how my name rhymes with 'sick fuck'.

I like school.

Moving on, I have asked a few of my friends (yes, I have friends and no I don't pay them... at least not on an hourly basis and NO, they don't charge extra for anal either, well, not all of them...) to write some articles to make this post worth reading and maybe increase my fan base, which might be only two people.

You will also notice that the contributors are all male. I was considering asking a couple of women to write, but A) they (most probably) think I am creep who should die. B) Women have no sense of humor. I mean it; name one GOOD female comedian. Or name one female who actually cracks jokes which don't end with 'tho wear a thaddle thilly!'.

My friends were kind enough (Or complete idiots...) to bother with this and write the following pieces. Probably the only part worth reading throughout this post (or blog). And how do you know its not me pretending to be someone else, wearing a corset and having sex with dogs?. Well, A) The language. I barely manage to put words together, the following articles are written in a highly refined manner. B) The topics handled by them are way above my petty rantings and the humor is much more witty than me putting F words everywhere. C) I don't have a C.

The following is by Mr. Firdaus Kishwar. A good man, this one is. His post is funny, but then again, I laugh at a fart which was just skin rubbing on leather. SO have a look for yourself.



Not really... Surprise me...

Disclaimer: Reading ahead could cause some serious, irreversible damage (that’s how bad this is going to be).

So anyway, I’m writing this because my friend, the “boob” (this one actually is a code name), asked me to write it. He said there was no specific topic I had to write on, but he was subtly hinting at Valentine’s Day. Subtle however is matter of perspective. While talking to me on the phone, telling me there is no particular topic I had to write it on, he sent me a sms saying “you can write it on the topic of valentine’s day if you want”.

But this Valentine’s a big occasion for him. He’s gonna reveal to us whom he likes. The guys and I have got a bet going on as to who it will be. No, wait, that’s the second bet. The first one is a bet on which gender he has a crush on. I personally have a hundred bucks on him being gay. I’m also in on the second bet, with two hundred bucks on him having a thing for the B.H.A.L.L.A. (refer to previous posts).

I know the B.H.A.L.L.A. has a secret thing for him. Nick and “boob” went to watch a movie without the B.H.A.L.L.A. and the B.H.A.L.L.A. (seriously is getting annoying typing his name out) then had a broken heart. The sms’s that followed went like this:

the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “what, you went without me?”
boob: “dude relax, just a movie. Besides, I really wanted to watch it. I heard some guys kisses another guy.”
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “that hurt. I'm hurting inside now baby. I'm not going to talk to you until you do something sweet for me.”

The next day in school, in attempt to pacify the B.H.A.L.L.A., ‘boob’ tried to learn the soulja boy dance and win him back. It did work to some extent, as you will see in the following sms’s:

the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “ I assume you got home since you haven’t returned any of my calls or messages. Call me!!!
Boob: “sorry dude, left my phone at home when I went to say “hey, waats upp?” to a bunch of friends in the colony.”
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “see, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”

We guys read his sms’s one of these past days, and were all like “What the hell!?!? We weren’t even invited to the wedding!! That to when we set you guys up!!” (please get the joke)

I sincerely apologize for writing something like that. Though my writing otherwise is only marginally better. Go see http://firdaus1992.blogspot.com to read more.


By Firdaus Kishwar

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And Wow. That just blew me away. It really did and I think I lost some weight!
The next one is by The B.H.A.L.L.A, and we are not having an affair... or are we?

Here's The B.H.A.L.L.A.'s post,


A day in the life

Hello and hi and whats been going on? I do not know how to start and I may not know how to end but whatever. I don't care what people are going to say about my writing and content fo this post and I don't care if you understand it or not.

You should just read this thinking nothing and you should know that I when I was asked to write this post, I had many different ideas on what to post about but what I finally settled on might make some of you mad, might piss some of you off and might be a fun read for some of you. Whatever the outcome is, I hope it is a good one for you. Don't come crying to me on Monday morning.

Today is a beautiful morning, the sun is out and the birds are chirping. Happy times indeed. The past few weeks though, have been nothing like today.

Over the past two weeks or so, our exams have ended, we celebrated, saw Slumdog Millionaire, played AOE, threw a grad dinner for our seniors and started Class XII with only 3-4% of the class really eager and wanting to study. These two weeks were quite fun on the whole but mostly pissing off during the times. Especially when Kirat, me and Nick and Avanish and Firdaus went back and forth killing each other and creating a army again and again until Firdaus and Avanish left and me Nick and Kirat went on and on. Eventually we were forced to quit.

There was also the part about sending Nick all around Priya until he found us at Yo! China. These were truly fun times and won't be forgotten for sometime to come. Now let me get on to my actual post. It won't be that long so don't worry.


Let me first of all introduce you to the wonderful people who will grace this post.

In no particular order:

1.Person PO: Annoying, slow and just the right person to laugh at.
2.The Forgotten Loser: This person is just one of those loves to piss off others and is a wannabe SCM.
3.A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba / En zeki ve salakça Kişi: Whoever this is will probably be wanting to know what this means and why I did this.
4.Hello, Hi, How Do You Do?: Couldn't think of a much better one so for now this will have to do.
5.El otro: Supports a team but is outnumbered here in New Delhi.
6.Randomness: Needed to be added.
7.Los Otros / Oi Alloi: Does this need to be explained anymore?

If you read my post and know somewhat about me, then you should get the post. If not, then read it again and try and understand it.

The day was whatever you want it to be. The place was NCR. All 7 people were there. The weather was nice and cooperating and what we had decided to do for the day was nothing. We all arrived withing 30 minutes of each other at South Ex except for Randomness. Why there? No one knew. This was all En zeki ve salakça Kişi idea. So we went to South Ex and we went around finding this particular movie for Person PO. We couldn't. Los otros were getting pissed off and so was El otro. We then headed for lunch and Randomness called us. We sent them to Saket while we headed to Ansal Plaza to have some food. Over there, we split up as half the people wanted Subway and the others McDonalds. Randomness had just reached Saket in the meanwhile but couldn't find any of us. So we decided to send them on a Metro ride to Rohini (which is quite a long distance away). We then decided to go for a movie but as usual, that was the hardest decision to be made. We deliberated for about an hour on which one to see but in the end we went for Delhi-6. Randomness being themselves, actually listened to us and went to Rohini.

Person PO and The Forgotten Loser were arguing on whether or not Sonam Kapoor is hot and Hello, Hi, How Do You Do joined in but no one else was up for it. The Los Otros walked out, saw a 40% sale and ran towards it. Leaving A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba / En zeki ve salakça Kişi and El Otro to debate on more serious matters. I on the other hand was coordinating the direction in which we were sending Randomness for a ride. They finally reached Rohini and dindn't find us. Being them though, they still wanted to meet us as they knew where we would be in the evening.

We decided a few days before but never told Randomness (though they found out) that we were going to a concert with Jack Johnson and Kanye West. So next for the Randomness's was too finally meet us. We finally told them where we would be. We told them that we just came out of a movie from Priya and that we were heading towards Select City Walk. So they reached there and wanted to slap all of us but hey, we outnumbered them! 11-3.

You know, En zeki ve salakça Kişi finally broke out of his mindset and commented on something he never does. This startled all of us but we all welcomed it. Person PO and Randomness finally told everyone what has been going on. Los Otros and me and El Otro left for my place before the concert. While the others went to Person PO's house. We all went back home. Had some more food. Watched TV. Gossiped and did the usual stuff. We also bitched a lot about people which happenes every other day.

The day was winding down and we all got dressed. Looking hot and handsome. We then met at Siri For Auditorium at 6:30. An hour before it was to begin. The only reason for dressing up was for the party after the concert. The concert was great fun and Person PO and Randomness especially enjoyed it. En zeki ve salakça Kişi commented some more (I shan't tell you the rest). So that was over and we dragged En zeki ve salakça Kişi to the party at Ministry of Sound. It was a Wednesday night, so the women got in free.

The last part of the day was one of the most fun other than the concert. We all danced (for a change), some drank (was bound to happen), no one smoked (thankfully) and Person PO and Randomness really struck it together. They were the new “it” couple. We all spurred En zeki ve salakça Kişi to dance! It was fun. The Forgotten Loser made a fool of himself. The other Randomness hit it off with The Forgotten Loser.
El Otro, Los Otros and I, left at around 11:00 in the night and took Hello, Hi, How Do You Do? And left for El Otro's house where we enjoyed our final few moment before the day ended and a new year began. The new year was to bring us a whole lot more of studying and no time for shit like this so we thoroughly enjoyed the day as much as we could.

The one person I have not talked about much was Hello, Hi, How Do You Do? His story commands a whole post by itself. So that will be left for Part II.

Person PO: “I especially liked the day for my luck was good and my dance was great and all I can say is, Love, Love, Love.
The Forgotten Loser: I roamed around Delhi aimlessly and did stupid shit but hey, when do I not do that?
A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba: “Today was th day I finally broke out of my mindset and went a head and did the unthinkable.
Hello, Hi, How Do You Do?: Trailed along, enjoyed it and talked in the annoying way he always does. “I am the man and I am the woman, I shall break free tomorrow”.
El Otro: “My jokes today may not have worked, but who the hell really cares? “I got to see a fabulous concert and spend the last day and hours of freedom with some of my best friends.
Randomness 1: Love, Love, Love, What more can I say? “Actually, the morning journey around the whole of Delhi helped me see a part of Delhi I had never even set foot in before.” Thanks guys!
Randomness 2: I am going to kill you all for this! “Arrgh, you people are going to have to be reported. Beware!”
Randomness 3 & 4: Had awesome fun and wouldn't mind doing this again.
Los Otros: Changed clothes twice in a day, saw a concert and did some shit I wouldn't have done before (Will be revealed in Part II). “We all enjoyed ourselves and the things we did were fun and outrageous but who the hell gives a damn? It is out life, let us enjoy it ourselves. Also, to get revenge on the Randomness was just the best thing one could have asked for”. Thanks and we love you all!

Part I – was the story that was told to everyone. The last day of freedom and all. A day that shall not be forgotten. Part I was the clean and censored part. It was the part which all people who want to can enjoy.

Part II – Now, there was an inside story also to this day. Lots of things happened which are not included in Part I for various reasons. Part II will be carrying the uncensored part and the rest of the story which may be a little out of hand.

So soak up the sun, enjoy the first part of the story and await the upcoming Part II of the story.

Thanks everyone for celebrating the wonderful day with me.

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And Wow. That just blew me away. Next time I'll get a monkey.

The following is by my friend who is considered to be one of the smartest kids in the batch (even the school, probably). But trust me, he is not. He is an idiot, like you and I. But the only difference is; he SOUNDS smart. His voice has that arrogance and tone which commands intellect (even I don't know what this is supposed to mean, I just like the way it sounds!). And its not a bad thing, it will help him get far in life and that is also one of he reasons I like this man (also I see through all his bullshit...). His request was that his name should not be revealed so I won't. (there, I didn't reveal you name Kirat Singh...)



A Tribute to Cynicism.

(My friend has this habit of calling me a cynic, so I think I'll give him some cynicism today)

It's fourteenth February. It's Valentine's Day.
I don't care.

The sun still rose in the morning. And guess what? It still rose in the east. The sun will set this evening. It will set in the west. My guarantee.

The cows in my lane will continue to emit, if you know what I mean, methane and continue to shroud the lane with that nauseating bovine smell. It's the day of love.

Chickens and goats will be slaughtered by the hundreds, no, by the thousands to feed the countless Valentine buffets all over the city. It is the day of love.

My seemingly unendingly futile search for a math tutor will continue. In a very serious tone one of them will tell me, 'I'm fully booked but I can come at 5.30 am and 11.46 pm, but only on weekends.' It's the day of love.

While going for a game of Saturday tennis I will still get stuck in a retarded traffic jam just outside my house. People will still look exasperated. Someone in my vicinity will make a comment about improper planning and a corrupt bureaucracy. We Delhiites are very fond of blaming our troubles on 'them.' 'They' will continue to bear the blame for the troubles we will face today. 'They' can't even remove these stinking cows. It's the day of love.

Israel and Gaza had agreed upon a crude ceasefire.
I just read that the Israeli Navy and the Israeli Air force is shelling the Gaza Strip. Innocent civilians, innocent children will die today. It is the day of love.

Two men have been arrested in Australia for starting some of the bushfires that have killed nearly 200 people. There are people in this world who would purposely ignite large tracts of forest to kill, to maim and to destroy. This is the human race, the one that celebrates, so vociferously, the day of love.

It is Valentine's Day, it is the day of love.

Touche.

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And Wow. That just blew. Mr. Anonymous, you really are cynical.


Now, this post is by a man, to whom I have no objections saying 'Go fuck yourself'. This man has known me since I was just an amateur retard. This article is by Marcus Aaron T***** Norbula.


Douchebags piss me off!

There's a reason why I illegally download all my movies,i mean uh... wait for them to release on Dvd and then buy them legally on itunes. The whole movie watching experience is just ruined for me. And you know this blog isn't about the people who should shut the fuck up at the movie theater (THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER BLOG), I'm talking about the stupid fucks that come out from a kung-fu movie and think they can fight.

You know how it is,there are always these one or two douchebags that come out of a movie theater just punching and kicking in the air and they're just saying to themselves "Man I wish someone would challenge me to a fight right now" YOU FUCKING IDIOT! Why do you think you can fight? Yeah because 10yrs of martial arts training is equal to sitting on your ass for an hour and a half, eating a fucking tub of popcorn and watching Jackie Chan flip over shit!

Don't do..no you know what; do it! Yeah if you guys ever feel like doing that come out and challenge me to a fight,And then when that happens you're gonna wake up in a Hospital with your head bleeding,wondering; WHERE THE FUCK IS MY IPOD???

And while were talking about Ipods,let me just make a whole another Tangent(yeah me knows big words), If I hear another Douchebag sitting on the bus listening to his Ipod and Singing to it loudly I'm gonna STAB A HOE!!

And if you're a good singer FINE,And if you're a bad singer and you know it DON'T SING ON THE FUCKING BUS!!! And if you're a Bad singer and you don't know it sing right now I'll wait.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................WOW, YOU'RE A BAD FUCKING SINGER!!!, And you know what, I'm a Bad singer I have no control about my pitch or my key or any of those other fucking musical term I don't get, THATS WHY I DONT SING IN FUCKING PUBLIC!!!
- Sing at home
- Sing in your shower
- If your a HOT girl with the age of eighteen, Sing and Dance around your room,RECORD IT and SEND IT TO ME........So I can appreciate your technique..........through Masturbation...

Just because you're listening to Mariah Carey,Doesn't mean you sound like FUCKING MARIAH CAREY!!!
YOU CANT HEAR YOURSELF!!!!!! EVERYONE AROUND YOU CAN FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!
So do me, you and that creepy guy sitting in the back of the bus with his hands down his pants a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
And if I tell you this please don't Fucking say "The constitution gave me the right to freedom of speech" YES it does ,But it doesn't give you the right TO SOUND LIKE FUCKING HELEN KELLER (Lets see who got that joke)
If I'm coming off as angry, don't worry I'm not, I'm just saying what everyone's thinking...Because really no one wants to hear you sing when you sound like Chewbacca with a dick in his mouth


Marcus A. T. Norbula

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"Chewbacca with a dick in his mouth", need I say more?
NO.

There you have it. four articles by four dumbasses. And I thought I was stupid. Jeez. And what the fuck does “nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba” mean anyway? Damn man... and I thought this would be good... It turned out amazingly well. This, my friends, is my first plan that actually worked (sort of). And I would like to thank them four, they have out done themselves (not really, but I hear people say that all the time so...). Do visit their blogs. It is much better than this, trust m... oh, who am I kidding. Even my mother doesn't trust me! This has been the most fun I have had since last Wednesday.

I promised I would reveal my lady-love's name. But when I thought about it, I realized that I didn't have the balls to and also I was torn between three girls and two guys... its really hard to decide!

Anyway, I shall wind it up now. I hope you enjoyed it. And my final thought for tonight is; may you never have to read this shit again.

Happy Valentines day.


Blog details;


The B.H.A.L.L.A.;

http:// www.sahilbhalla.com/


This is Mr. Anonymous' blog link;

http://www.kirat92.blogspot.com/


And here is Firdaus';

http://firdaus1992.blogspot.com


And Marcus doesn't have one, because he has a life!