Holy schmuck! Its The Treacherous Tart!
This is it. The day all of y had been waiting for. I hang my cape, yes I wore a cape whenever I wrote, and put my mask away for good.
Today, as my glasses were being passed around all the juniors in yellow shirts, someone said I will write about this in my blog. And I just did. I have become a fucking bitch. Bitching about my life. And that happened because of my goddamn followers. My blog was meant for channeling my anger, but then I had to suddenly become politically correct. Because of all my followers. SO, I will start a blog which is far too geeky for any of them to follow or understand. This blog is NOT being deleted. All posts are left here for viewing and always open to comments, I might not reply or even read though. Deal with it!
Anyway, before I leave, a poem.
Would you do it with a friend?
Would you do it end to end?
Would you do it with a clock (not a spelling error, so relax)?
Would you do it in a smock?
Would you do it in a tree?
Would you do it with your knee?
Would you hug a moth?
Do you really want to read this blog?
Anyway... for the last time... GO FUCK YOURSELVES!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Super-Post No.2: Give me fuel, give me fire and medium fries.
Hello you Nazi bastards,
Yes, it is the second Super Post. First of all I'd like to thank the people who have and still are supporting this blog. Thank you so much and call me, I'll give you the number of a professional, because you people need help!
Today is holi. White people won't get it, like most things in life. Holi is the day when you can squirt a girl you like and you don't get arrested for it! Holi is the day when you can blind a person if you use the wrong chemical colour. And you don't get arrested for it!
For people unaware of the reason we celebrate Holi, I shall give you a very brief explanation for why I might be wetting you.
Now, a long time ago, a kid doped on acid started hallucinating about... um, fashion-impaired people. His father got worried, so he asked his leather-pants wearing sister, who was also constantly high on prescription pills, to take care of his son while he was away on “business”... if you know what I mean...
Anyway, Long story short, the sister was trying to make tea but she ended up starting a fire. She learned two things that day: 1. Trying to make tea while still in bed is not called bed tea. And 2. Kerosene make big fire!! I'll let you (or your imagination) fill in the gaps.
The kid survived, the sister died. And THAT is why some chump in a T-shirt which reads “Abbibas” will be squirting you.
Anyway, moving on to the Pope. I always wondered about the pope and his position and his life before Pope-ism. I mean, stuff like; Has the Pope ever had sex? Or Does the Pope really like little boys or is that just a publicity stunt? So many questions, so little thinking capacity. >SIGH<...
Ever wonder what you have to do to be the Pope? I mean, the Pope is supposed to be the leader of the Roman-Catholics or some shit, right? Oh, another question, can I use 'Pope' and 'shit' in the same sentence?
What if the Pope was a porn star before he became the Pope? I mean how the hell do we know what he did before he started wearing that funny hat of his? And why the hell does he need to adopt a name that sixteen other guys before him had? Why can't he keep his porn star name? I mean imagine; Pope Joe Hardwood Or Pope Handy Ironsling Or Pope Long Dong Silver Or Pope Arnold Schwarzenpecker.
So, I was having a bath today. I looked down, and I thought to myself 'hmm, THAT looks new...'. I reached down, shook it a little. It came off! Thankfully it was just a broken nail. Whew!
I like Muslims. And I am not saying that because I am afraid they will freaking bomb me. I like Muslims, the ones I know are really nice people. Really. I am not kidding. Yes, I am aware there is a gun to my head.
Well, that was fun. A little gross, sure. And not as funny as my previous posts, hey, if you wanted funny, you wouldn't be reading this. This blog is like those new TV shows, it keeps getting worse after each season. And so am I, each day people go; Wow, he went from crappy to crappier!
So, like all TV shows going down the drain, I got famous and intelligent and funny people to write for me. I tried to at least. But they refused. So I got my friends to do it. All women by the way (Yeah. And no, I am not paying them by the hour).
The first one here is by Radhika Chakraborty. The Editor-in-Chief of the school magazine. Yeah. So, here is her article.
Soo, holi.
Festival of colours and all that.
Definitely not the day of love. Week of breakups more like it...
Anyway.
Have you noticed that the only colour you really get to see is that god-awful pink? By the end of the day, it’s just pink, filth, and water. It isn’t really very colourful. However hard it tries to be.
oh yes, it starts of all pretty, with organic colours that look like cowdung, and chemicals that probably destroy your skin cells faster than cancer, but look so picturesque that they make even cynics feel happy. But eventually, you’re wet, freezing, muddy, and pink. And it’s fun, strangely enough.
I had a "fun" holi. I think we all did. I’m not going to describe it to you, firdaus will probably do that. I was thrown into a bucket of disgusting muddy blue water, had more dangerous blue chemicals added to it, had a bucket of mud thrown at me, and then thrown into some more mud myself. Fun fun.
What was strange though is that such random people had such a good time together. A twenty year old in their midst had an equally good time. And everyone was wet, muddy, pink, and happy. (Except golum, she was purple.)
I’m so uninspired. I wonder what kirat will write.
Real holi is crap though. Grease, eggs, tar, toothpaste, and bhang, don’t really go too well together. It’s a bit scary really. I wonder how long tar takes to come off.
Nick got pakka rang in his eye. Bani got pakka rang in her contact lens. I got gulal in my ear. If anyone got anything up their nose, they didn’t tell us.
I wish yesterday would come back though; it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I think we should make holi our de-stressor. Whenever the whole class twelve thing gets to be too much, we can play holi. Desna will stock up on gulal and little animal-shaped pichkaris. And we'll feel happy. It’s so odd that so many people can be happy together. No one had issues, no one fought, no one cried. Everyone laughed, shrieked, and shivered. And it felt like life was good. Oh wow I sound like a retard.
Tara likes fall out boy, Arnav drives "well". Firdaus finds Arnav driving "well" amusing. Akshat looks like a pixie, kanupriya is paranoid, and Desna isn't really a harlot, it just bothers us when we see her without a floppy art bag and a purple shawl. Avanish is a penguin, firdaus is a panda, Hegde is a hyperactive polar bear, and we have ourselves an animal farm. Radhika mathur is adorable, and bani looks like she's thirty. Devika is not too bright, and very colourful, Aditya narayan is large, and a scaredy cat. Desna’s parents are the coolest. Seriously. And... Well. That’s about it, everyone else is relatively normal.
Tar is fascinating though. Have you ever thought about it? It’s utterly revolting, but fascinating.
If you think about it, holi is clichéd. All the colours are overly bright, and obnoxiously cheerful. Except that disgusting green urvashi tried putting on me, it was like troll bogey. I wonder why it’s so much fun; you’d think that people hate clichés by now. Strangely enough, no one seems to get sick of it. Except those "cool" people who think they're above it, but are actually too scared to play.
I wonder what I’ll do tomorrow. (Am I supposed to be writing this like its tomorrow, since Avanish is only putting it up tomorrow? well too bad)
I’m rather bored. And am trying desperately not to write about writer's block.
There are birds in the air conditioner. I’ve always wondered about how they reach there, no?
There are lots of people walking around on the road.
People are just about beginning to surface with tiny smidgens of colour on their faces, in anticipation of the grand colourful chaotic cacophony that is tomorrow.
Holi.
Hmm.
--- --- --- ---
Well, now we know what to get you for your birthday other than socks; Tar.
Fascinating. No, really.
Moving on, We have Urvashi Bahuguna. She has written an article (call me Captain Obvious). And, well, I'll let her article do all the talking...
The Million Pieces
Pyre.
Flames.
Unscathed.
Legend.
Festival.
Bullshit.
Smothering skin in color, sense in alcohol and cynicism in exuberance?
Its the skeptic talking.
Its my customary pre-festival spirit.
Its the I-don't-see-what-the-fuss-is-about syndrome.
I sound like the this cynic I know. Scarrrrrrry.
Okay no. This was just post fighting with parents for permission, being rather heartlessly enlightened by Avanish and my mother that JNU is actually crossing Chattarpur and doubling back.
Honestly, I was terrified-excited.
I hadn't played Holi in 8 years. And the holis before that are a blur. In fact I'm pretty sure I reconstruct my memories of them from hideous photographs that ruthless parents take/preserve/frame/display conspiculously/pass around at dinner parties...You get the picture. Literally.
So I'm in dire need of happier, prettier(Is that even possible?) photos.
For example the one below.
Yeah because the measled, mutated, disfigured look is what I was going for.
So I, not to mention a few other similar stupid-not-so-hypermyopic-people, went with every intention to play with only 'dry' colors.
Uhm its funny in retrospect. Actually. Refer to above pictures.
And thats before the permanent colour, the mud and TANYA.
I uh...had fun?
Whether it was Nick stalking me with the pipe...
Or encountering an agitated Radhika M. when she had came out of the bathroom after having washed her face and turned around to find Avanish taking uh a leak(or so she thought)...he was actually washing his feet. But it was pretty funny while she was under that particular delusion.
Or Tara turning into the nightcrawler...
And Akshat's singing...if you can call it that...
Or Radhika's realising after about three hours that Kirat had lied to her and decided to skimp off...
Or Desna's nude...uh sorry semi-nude...quarter-clad...whatever attire....
Oh and a willing Firdaus taking a NOT-QUITE-SO-WILLING Avanish on his lap in my rather over-crowded car.....
Or Avanish's bouncing...I call it bouncing because dancing doesn't cover it...to soulja boy...
Or Shatru's over-enthu fetish for mud...
Or Arnav's determined striding towards Firdaus and Shatru as they spirited his lady-love to the depths of the 'tumbler' and then proceeding to pick her up and dump her in it...Nice, Knight in Shining Armour, nice...
It had its moments…
Angoori Badi.
Colour. Every imaginable, and some not imaginable shades.
Painted. Permanently in some cases. Tara, are you coming to school Thursday?
Memory.
Photographs.
A million little pieces
Things we’ll remember and they’ll forget
And the things we’ll forget and they’ll remember
A million little pieces of a whole.
--- --- ---
Wow. Umm... yeah, that.
Okay, now we have Tara Esha with her article. She is a sarcastic little midget-woman, who is the devil's favorite pupil. Yes, I do mean her. But, she is that good.
“Everyone’s a letdown,
It just depends on how far down they can go…”
The welcoming of spring. A little boy was set on fire, and he didn’t get burnt.
Oh! That is reason enough for us to throw colour on each other and, excuse the expression, wet people.
We are a community of retards.
How else can the festival of holi be explained?
Ask that poor scrawny man in his best shirt, on his way to work, when they attack him, and they ruthlessly shower him with chemicals.
Ask the young woman coming from the hairdressers, who’s assailed by a spray of eggs, or something of that sort.
Ask the guy whose car they cover with their vibrant torrent of permanent colours.
Ask them.
And they’ll tell you.
“We are a community of retards.”
All together now.
I have friends in holy (pun not intended) places where the festival of holi means delicately patting colour on the others cheek, and then gorging on sweets of various kinds in a very dignified manner.
And then there are the others.
The kind that live around me. And you.
They’re everywhere.
They’re hiding just around the corner, waiting to ambush you.
Those bastards.
They get giddy drunk on disgusting ‘bhaang’ and stumble around with lame water pistols, squirting everybody with water. Some of them, I’ve heard, use their own personal pistols, and squirt people with not-water. Disgusting.
THEY sing in harsh, excruciating ways, throwing the random “HOLI HAI” in their chorus. THEY attack the poor scrawny man in his best shirt. THEY assail the young woman coming from the hairdressers. THEY cover the guy’s car with their vibrant torrent of permanent colours. THEY drench you with a water hose. THEY pick you up, and dump you in a giant container filled with everlasting purple water and dunk you in. THEY cake mud on your hair. THEY turn the container over. THEY pour the entire contents on your head. And then, THEY laugh at you.
THEY are retards.
That’s all.
May you all have a happy holi.
--- --- --- ---
Hey, they laugh because they care. And also, is funny.
>SIGH<... I am really considering hiring monkeys for this. No, seriously
There you have it ladies and gentlemen and you lifeless vermin reading this. Women at their best? I prefer not knowing the answer. No, but seriously, this went pretty well. Not the way I hoped it would, but really well. Also I am just glad there were no fax-in-ass or Thor jokes. And I made fun of th pope. Go Pope!
Also, some people might be wondering why I posted it tonight and before 12. Well, Holika died tonight and the kid survived. So... in honour of the kid and the burning bitch we throw colours and drink bhaang until we puke and then our best friends clean it up. But not sure if you puke after drinking too much bhaang.
Well, I'd like to conclude with thanking the women for writing. And for other people supporting me through this. My therapist OG Hankey and my trusty stead, Herpes. Thank you all again. And before we leave tonight, one last message for the people put there; By the character of Evil on my back, I won't let Kyoto burn!
Happy wettings whoresons!
BLOG Details
Radhika's Blog:
http://www.radhika92.blogspot.com
Urvashi's Blog:
http://www.al-kimiaresurrected.blogspot.com
Tara's Blog:
http://www.radiocativesongbird.blogspot.com
Yes, it is the second Super Post. First of all I'd like to thank the people who have and still are supporting this blog. Thank you so much and call me, I'll give you the number of a professional, because you people need help!
Today is holi. White people won't get it, like most things in life. Holi is the day when you can squirt a girl you like and you don't get arrested for it! Holi is the day when you can blind a person if you use the wrong chemical colour. And you don't get arrested for it!
For people unaware of the reason we celebrate Holi, I shall give you a very brief explanation for why I might be wetting you.
Now, a long time ago, a kid doped on acid started hallucinating about... um, fashion-impaired people. His father got worried, so he asked his leather-pants wearing sister, who was also constantly high on prescription pills, to take care of his son while he was away on “business”... if you know what I mean...
Anyway, Long story short, the sister was trying to make tea but she ended up starting a fire. She learned two things that day: 1. Trying to make tea while still in bed is not called bed tea. And 2. Kerosene make big fire!! I'll let you (or your imagination) fill in the gaps.
The kid survived, the sister died. And THAT is why some chump in a T-shirt which reads “Abbibas” will be squirting you.
Anyway, moving on to the Pope. I always wondered about the pope and his position and his life before Pope-ism. I mean, stuff like; Has the Pope ever had sex? Or Does the Pope really like little boys or is that just a publicity stunt? So many questions, so little thinking capacity. >SIGH<...
Ever wonder what you have to do to be the Pope? I mean, the Pope is supposed to be the leader of the Roman-Catholics or some shit, right? Oh, another question, can I use 'Pope' and 'shit' in the same sentence?
What if the Pope was a porn star before he became the Pope? I mean how the hell do we know what he did before he started wearing that funny hat of his? And why the hell does he need to adopt a name that sixteen other guys before him had? Why can't he keep his porn star name? I mean imagine; Pope Joe Hardwood Or Pope Handy Ironsling Or Pope Long Dong Silver Or Pope Arnold Schwarzenpecker.
So, I was having a bath today. I looked down, and I thought to myself 'hmm, THAT looks new...'. I reached down, shook it a little. It came off! Thankfully it was just a broken nail. Whew!
I like Muslims. And I am not saying that because I am afraid they will freaking bomb me. I like Muslims, the ones I know are really nice people. Really. I am not kidding. Yes, I am aware there is a gun to my head.
Well, that was fun. A little gross, sure. And not as funny as my previous posts, hey, if you wanted funny, you wouldn't be reading this. This blog is like those new TV shows, it keeps getting worse after each season. And so am I, each day people go; Wow, he went from crappy to crappier!
So, like all TV shows going down the drain, I got famous and intelligent and funny people to write for me. I tried to at least. But they refused. So I got my friends to do it. All women by the way (Yeah. And no, I am not paying them by the hour).
The first one here is by Radhika Chakraborty. The Editor-in-Chief of the school magazine. Yeah. So, here is her article.
Soo, holi.
Festival of colours and all that.
Definitely not the day of love. Week of breakups more like it...
Anyway.
Have you noticed that the only colour you really get to see is that god-awful pink? By the end of the day, it’s just pink, filth, and water. It isn’t really very colourful. However hard it tries to be.
oh yes, it starts of all pretty, with organic colours that look like cowdung, and chemicals that probably destroy your skin cells faster than cancer, but look so picturesque that they make even cynics feel happy. But eventually, you’re wet, freezing, muddy, and pink. And it’s fun, strangely enough.
I had a "fun" holi. I think we all did. I’m not going to describe it to you, firdaus will probably do that. I was thrown into a bucket of disgusting muddy blue water, had more dangerous blue chemicals added to it, had a bucket of mud thrown at me, and then thrown into some more mud myself. Fun fun.
What was strange though is that such random people had such a good time together. A twenty year old in their midst had an equally good time. And everyone was wet, muddy, pink, and happy. (Except golum, she was purple.)
I’m so uninspired. I wonder what kirat will write.
Real holi is crap though. Grease, eggs, tar, toothpaste, and bhang, don’t really go too well together. It’s a bit scary really. I wonder how long tar takes to come off.
Nick got pakka rang in his eye. Bani got pakka rang in her contact lens. I got gulal in my ear. If anyone got anything up their nose, they didn’t tell us.
I wish yesterday would come back though; it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time. I think we should make holi our de-stressor. Whenever the whole class twelve thing gets to be too much, we can play holi. Desna will stock up on gulal and little animal-shaped pichkaris. And we'll feel happy. It’s so odd that so many people can be happy together. No one had issues, no one fought, no one cried. Everyone laughed, shrieked, and shivered. And it felt like life was good. Oh wow I sound like a retard.
Tara likes fall out boy, Arnav drives "well". Firdaus finds Arnav driving "well" amusing. Akshat looks like a pixie, kanupriya is paranoid, and Desna isn't really a harlot, it just bothers us when we see her without a floppy art bag and a purple shawl. Avanish is a penguin, firdaus is a panda, Hegde is a hyperactive polar bear, and we have ourselves an animal farm. Radhika mathur is adorable, and bani looks like she's thirty. Devika is not too bright, and very colourful, Aditya narayan is large, and a scaredy cat. Desna’s parents are the coolest. Seriously. And... Well. That’s about it, everyone else is relatively normal.
Tar is fascinating though. Have you ever thought about it? It’s utterly revolting, but fascinating.
If you think about it, holi is clichéd. All the colours are overly bright, and obnoxiously cheerful. Except that disgusting green urvashi tried putting on me, it was like troll bogey. I wonder why it’s so much fun; you’d think that people hate clichés by now. Strangely enough, no one seems to get sick of it. Except those "cool" people who think they're above it, but are actually too scared to play.
I wonder what I’ll do tomorrow. (Am I supposed to be writing this like its tomorrow, since Avanish is only putting it up tomorrow? well too bad)
I’m rather bored. And am trying desperately not to write about writer's block.
There are birds in the air conditioner. I’ve always wondered about how they reach there, no?
There are lots of people walking around on the road.
People are just about beginning to surface with tiny smidgens of colour on their faces, in anticipation of the grand colourful chaotic cacophony that is tomorrow.
Holi.
Hmm.
--- --- --- ---
Well, now we know what to get you for your birthday other than socks; Tar.
Fascinating. No, really.
Moving on, We have Urvashi Bahuguna. She has written an article (call me Captain Obvious). And, well, I'll let her article do all the talking...
The Million Pieces
Pyre.
Flames.
Unscathed.
Legend.
Festival.
Bullshit.
Smothering skin in color, sense in alcohol and cynicism in exuberance?
Its the skeptic talking.
Its my customary pre-festival spirit.
Its the I-don't-see-what-the-fuss-is-about syndrome.
I sound like the this cynic I know. Scarrrrrrry.
Okay no. This was just post fighting with parents for permission, being rather heartlessly enlightened by Avanish and my mother that JNU is actually crossing Chattarpur and doubling back.
Honestly, I was terrified-excited.
I hadn't played Holi in 8 years. And the holis before that are a blur. In fact I'm pretty sure I reconstruct my memories of them from hideous photographs that ruthless parents take/preserve/frame/display conspiculously/pass around at dinner parties...You get the picture. Literally.
So I'm in dire need of happier, prettier(Is that even possible?) photos.
For example the one below.
Yeah because the measled, mutated, disfigured look is what I was going for.
So I, not to mention a few other similar stupid-not-so-hypermyopic-people, went with every intention to play with only 'dry' colors.
Uhm its funny in retrospect. Actually. Refer to above pictures.
And thats before the permanent colour, the mud and TANYA.
I uh...had fun?
Whether it was Nick stalking me with the pipe...
Or encountering an agitated Radhika M. when she had came out of the bathroom after having washed her face and turned around to find Avanish taking uh a leak(or so she thought)...he was actually washing his feet. But it was pretty funny while she was under that particular delusion.
Or Tara turning into the nightcrawler...
And Akshat's singing...if you can call it that...
Or Radhika's realising after about three hours that Kirat had lied to her and decided to skimp off...
Or Desna's nude...uh sorry semi-nude...quarter-clad...whatever attire....
Oh and a willing Firdaus taking a NOT-QUITE-SO-WILLING Avanish on his lap in my rather over-crowded car.....
Or Avanish's bouncing...I call it bouncing because dancing doesn't cover it...to soulja boy...
Or Shatru's over-enthu fetish for mud...
Or Arnav's determined striding towards Firdaus and Shatru as they spirited his lady-love to the depths of the 'tumbler' and then proceeding to pick her up and dump her in it...Nice, Knight in Shining Armour, nice...
It had its moments…
Angoori Badi.
Colour. Every imaginable, and some not imaginable shades.
Painted. Permanently in some cases. Tara, are you coming to school Thursday?
Memory.
Photographs.
A million little pieces
Things we’ll remember and they’ll forget
And the things we’ll forget and they’ll remember
A million little pieces of a whole.
--- --- ---
Wow. Umm... yeah, that.
Okay, now we have Tara Esha with her article. She is a sarcastic little midget-woman, who is the devil's favorite pupil. Yes, I do mean her. But, she is that good.
“Everyone’s a letdown,
It just depends on how far down they can go…”
The welcoming of spring. A little boy was set on fire, and he didn’t get burnt.
Oh! That is reason enough for us to throw colour on each other and, excuse the expression, wet people.
We are a community of retards.
How else can the festival of holi be explained?
Ask that poor scrawny man in his best shirt, on his way to work, when they attack him, and they ruthlessly shower him with chemicals.
Ask the young woman coming from the hairdressers, who’s assailed by a spray of eggs, or something of that sort.
Ask the guy whose car they cover with their vibrant torrent of permanent colours.
Ask them.
And they’ll tell you.
“We are a community of retards.”
All together now.
I have friends in holy (pun not intended) places where the festival of holi means delicately patting colour on the others cheek, and then gorging on sweets of various kinds in a very dignified manner.
And then there are the others.
The kind that live around me. And you.
They’re everywhere.
They’re hiding just around the corner, waiting to ambush you.
Those bastards.
They get giddy drunk on disgusting ‘bhaang’ and stumble around with lame water pistols, squirting everybody with water. Some of them, I’ve heard, use their own personal pistols, and squirt people with not-water. Disgusting.
THEY sing in harsh, excruciating ways, throwing the random “HOLI HAI” in their chorus. THEY attack the poor scrawny man in his best shirt. THEY assail the young woman coming from the hairdressers. THEY cover the guy’s car with their vibrant torrent of permanent colours. THEY drench you with a water hose. THEY pick you up, and dump you in a giant container filled with everlasting purple water and dunk you in. THEY cake mud on your hair. THEY turn the container over. THEY pour the entire contents on your head. And then, THEY laugh at you.
THEY are retards.
That’s all.
May you all have a happy holi.
--- --- --- ---
Hey, they laugh because they care. And also, is funny.
>SIGH<... I am really considering hiring monkeys for this. No, seriously
There you have it ladies and gentlemen and you lifeless vermin reading this. Women at their best? I prefer not knowing the answer. No, but seriously, this went pretty well. Not the way I hoped it would, but really well. Also I am just glad there were no fax-in-ass or Thor jokes. And I made fun of th pope. Go Pope!
Also, some people might be wondering why I posted it tonight and before 12. Well, Holika died tonight and the kid survived. So... in honour of the kid and the burning bitch we throw colours and drink bhaang until we puke and then our best friends clean it up. But not sure if you puke after drinking too much bhaang.
Well, I'd like to conclude with thanking the women for writing. And for other people supporting me through this. My therapist OG Hankey and my trusty stead, Herpes. Thank you all again. And before we leave tonight, one last message for the people put there; By the character of Evil on my back, I won't let Kyoto burn!
Happy wettings whoresons!
BLOG Details
Radhika's Blog:
http://www.radhika92.blogspot.com
Urvashi's Blog:
http://www.al-kimiaresurrected.blogspot.com
Tara's Blog:
http://www.radiocativesongbird.blogspot.com
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Post No. 19: Damn nazi's... can't do one jobe right...
Hello, my sweet bitches,
So, um... today was far too messed up. I actually argued with my parents about going to school. THATS not messed up, but I wanted to go and my parents didn't. THAT was.
Well, the day had only begun. Yes, this post IS about my day. But trust me it gets funnier. Well, actually only one funny thing happened today. A bird, um... took a crap on me. Yeah. That is correct.
Fucking birds!
Anyway. Today wasn't actually half bad. Still alive. And the women man, I can't help but be a sexist. Anyway, there is this girl, who is unbelievably strong. Not you. Anyway, these other two bitches told her that wrote about her in her blog and I didn't but then the freak-bitch started hitting me again. And it hurt. Sometimes I get the feeling, they don't like me. The women, I mean. But, I really can't blame them.
Moving on, I hate those idiots who think they are all that but really aren't (I know, I know, I am a hypocrite... well, deal with it...). They can go blow the pope. Yes, I picking on the pope. Again. For some reason the pope pisses me off. I think it's his hat.
SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
Okay, kids, now we shall play a game called “My Days as a Male Prostitute!”!!!!
DAY ONE:
Lost on my way home, lost on the road.
A sliver of light remains in the sky,
Oh look the Pope!
Lets get him high!
Smoke and smoke, sniff and snort.
Drugs are fun,
Going over the moon,
I think the drugs are working,
Days of future-past,
I am the king of kings.
Whore and more, lined up.
Oh, look! Mr. T!
Lovers lost, brothers dead,
That sounds so wrong,
But when they do come,
hit them with the gong!
My first day was fun.
Join me, won't you, next time?
--- ---
Now, THAT was fucked UP!!
Carpe Diem, assholes.
So, um... today was far too messed up. I actually argued with my parents about going to school. THATS not messed up, but I wanted to go and my parents didn't. THAT was.
Well, the day had only begun. Yes, this post IS about my day. But trust me it gets funnier. Well, actually only one funny thing happened today. A bird, um... took a crap on me. Yeah. That is correct.
Fucking birds!
Anyway. Today wasn't actually half bad. Still alive. And the women man, I can't help but be a sexist. Anyway, there is this girl, who is unbelievably strong. Not you. Anyway, these other two bitches told her that wrote about her in her blog and I didn't but then the freak-bitch started hitting me again. And it hurt. Sometimes I get the feeling, they don't like me. The women, I mean. But, I really can't blame them.
Moving on, I hate those idiots who think they are all that but really aren't (I know, I know, I am a hypocrite... well, deal with it...). They can go blow the pope. Yes, I picking on the pope. Again. For some reason the pope pisses me off. I think it's his hat.
SPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!
Okay, kids, now we shall play a game called “My Days as a Male Prostitute!”!!!!
DAY ONE:
Lost on my way home, lost on the road.
A sliver of light remains in the sky,
Oh look the Pope!
Lets get him high!
Smoke and smoke, sniff and snort.
Drugs are fun,
Going over the moon,
I think the drugs are working,
Days of future-past,
I am the king of kings.
Whore and more, lined up.
Oh, look! Mr. T!
Lovers lost, brothers dead,
That sounds so wrong,
But when they do come,
hit them with the gong!
My first day was fun.
Join me, won't you, next time?
--- ---
Now, THAT was fucked UP!!
Carpe Diem, assholes.
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Post No. 18: This is hell-a lame!
CHIPS A-WHORE! (if you haven't noticed , it is on 'chips ahoy!'... a crappy one, sure),
Religion. It is funny. Very, very funny. And you can read about I how funny it is during the second super-post releasing this holi.
So anyway, Today I found out that one of my friends is a harlette. If you don't know what I means, here it is.
The female on the back of a Harley, riding bitch. Native dress includes combinations of the following: a bikini, leather vest, jeans, leather pants, hot pants, a bandana, leather jacket, concert t-shirt and high heeled, leather fuck-me boots.
And yes she is. Yes you are. And I did not type this out myself. Its a proper definition. Look it up.
Anyway, I kept making fun of her, don't know if it ticked her off or not, but she was chucking chalk and thumb tacks at me. And she missed. But she is a good girl. Hmm, that doesn't sound right. At one point I was afraid she going to spank my ass and make me adopt the name 'Ginger'. Okay, not really. But it sounds funny.
Moving on, now this super-post. I said somewhere that I wanted women to write for it, but I can't help it if they are acting like harlots. Now I don't mean the above mentioned thing.
See, women annoy me. If I'd have asked guys, they would have definitely said yes. Why? Because guys don't mind doing something like this for a friend. Earlier also I mentioned I don't chose to be a sexist because I like the way it sounds, but because I see things happening around me. And not to just one woman, as some people assume I talk of only one girl on this blog. I can't form a sexist's opinion if just one woman is being a bitch.
So... I am bored and I have three projects to start and finish. And do art work. Yelling 'fuck' right now would not be inappropriate.
Anyway, to make a long post short; go fuck yourslef!
Religion. It is funny. Very, very funny. And you can read about I how funny it is during the second super-post releasing this holi.
So anyway, Today I found out that one of my friends is a harlette. If you don't know what I means, here it is.
The female on the back of a Harley, riding bitch. Native dress includes combinations of the following: a bikini, leather vest, jeans, leather pants, hot pants, a bandana, leather jacket, concert t-shirt and high heeled, leather fuck-me boots.
And yes she is. Yes you are. And I did not type this out myself. Its a proper definition. Look it up.
Anyway, I kept making fun of her, don't know if it ticked her off or not, but she was chucking chalk and thumb tacks at me. And she missed. But she is a good girl. Hmm, that doesn't sound right. At one point I was afraid she going to spank my ass and make me adopt the name 'Ginger'. Okay, not really. But it sounds funny.
Moving on, now this super-post. I said somewhere that I wanted women to write for it, but I can't help it if they are acting like harlots. Now I don't mean the above mentioned thing.
See, women annoy me. If I'd have asked guys, they would have definitely said yes. Why? Because guys don't mind doing something like this for a friend. Earlier also I mentioned I don't chose to be a sexist because I like the way it sounds, but because I see things happening around me. And not to just one woman, as some people assume I talk of only one girl on this blog. I can't form a sexist's opinion if just one woman is being a bitch.
So... I am bored and I have three projects to start and finish. And do art work. Yelling 'fuck' right now would not be inappropriate.
Anyway, to make a long post short; go fuck yourslef!
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Review Post No.1: Nick Drake sucks!
Long time... assholes...
I haven't blogged for the past few days because I have a life...
… Okay, I do not. But I realized my writing was becoming too... unhurtful... and, yes, it is not a ord. Nor is 'ord', but 'word' is.
This is a special post, it is my very special REVIEW POST NO. 1. I shall be reviwing a movie, TV show, book, comic book and etcetera when I get bored of ranting on about how my life is full of idiots dancing and walking around in leather pants (Yes, I mean YOU!).
Today, I shall review my favouritest movie ever. Ever. Sholay. If you haven't seen it, just imagine me (I am a hunky funny guy with facial hair... seriously) insulting you and kicking your faggy ass. And you suck. Oh-so very much!
“Sholay”
People around the world know of bollywood movies or as some people prefer hindi/ Indian movies. But the thing is, they haven't seen true Indian cinema until they have seen Sholay. According to me, is one of the greatest movies ever made. Ever.
Some people in my film are planning to become film makers. And it is highly possible they haven't seen Sholay. Which is actually very amusing and slightly disgusting (And here I am talking about two women. Because some people think I only mention one woman in this blog).
Moving on, Sholay, just like the western classic 'The Magnificent Seven' is a plot pick up from Akira Kurosawa's 'Seven Samurai' and (according to rumours) some Sergio Leone westerns. But the only difference is there two main protagonists instead of seven.
The plot runs on like this. The village of Ramgad is being terrorized by Gabbar Singh (Amjad Khan) and his bandits. Thakur Baldev Singh (Sanjeev Kumar), who used to be a cop once, hires two ruffians he once arrested and they helped him defend a train they were traveling in and also save his life before running away. They are Veeru (played by Dharmendra) and Jai (Portrayed by Amitabh Bachchan). And the story unfolds as they meet various characters from the village and defend it from Gabbar and his gang of hoodlums (always wanted to say that!).
This movie is also known as a 'Curry Western'. Racist bastards. Commenting on the music, well, all songs are brilliantly done, with music from the legendary R. D. Burman (lyrics, I have no idea...).
The most brilliantly written movie. Till date. I swear. Javed Akhtar and Salim Khan have written the characters so perfectly, it's not funny. But it is when they want it to be. This is a must watch for anybody who calls himself a 'movie buff', the hell does that mean anyway?
---
There you have it, a review from a man so bored he painted his nails. Okay, no. But I could if I wanted to. This will not be a regular thing so, if you are looking for movie reviews old or new, hindi or english (though you'll find mostly english movies, the guy is slightly gavaar when it comes to hindi).
Here is the link; http://www.nick-movies.blogspot.com
Do go there and do NOT click on his ads (And 'NOT' doesn't apply, so do click on them)
Okay, this has been fun. And everytime you think of me, you'll get some!
Ciao (okay, never again...)
I haven't blogged for the past few days because I have a life...
… Okay, I do not. But I realized my writing was becoming too... unhurtful... and, yes, it is not a ord. Nor is 'ord', but 'word' is.
This is a special post, it is my very special REVIEW POST NO. 1. I shall be reviwing a movie, TV show, book, comic book and etcetera when I get bored of ranting on about how my life is full of idiots dancing and walking around in leather pants (Yes, I mean YOU!).
Today, I shall review my favouritest movie ever. Ever. Sholay. If you haven't seen it, just imagine me (I am a hunky funny guy with facial hair... seriously) insulting you and kicking your faggy ass. And you suck. Oh-so very much!
“Sholay”
People around the world know of bollywood movies or as some people prefer hindi/ Indian movies. But the thing is, they haven't seen true Indian cinema until they have seen Sholay. According to me, is one of the greatest movies ever made. Ever.
Some people in my film are planning to become film makers. And it is highly possible they haven't seen Sholay. Which is actually very amusing and slightly disgusting (And here I am talking about two women. Because some people think I only mention one woman in this blog).
Moving on, Sholay, just like the western classic 'The Magnificent Seven' is a plot pick up from Akira Kurosawa's 'Seven Samurai' and (according to rumours) some Sergio Leone westerns. But the only difference is there two main protagonists instead of seven.
The plot runs on like this. The village of Ramgad is being terrorized by Gabbar Singh (Amjad Khan) and his bandits. Thakur Baldev Singh (Sanjeev Kumar), who used to be a cop once, hires two ruffians he once arrested and they helped him defend a train they were traveling in and also save his life before running away. They are Veeru (played by Dharmendra) and Jai (Portrayed by Amitabh Bachchan). And the story unfolds as they meet various characters from the village and defend it from Gabbar and his gang of hoodlums (always wanted to say that!).
This movie is also known as a 'Curry Western'. Racist bastards. Commenting on the music, well, all songs are brilliantly done, with music from the legendary R. D. Burman (lyrics, I have no idea...).
The most brilliantly written movie. Till date. I swear. Javed Akhtar and Salim Khan have written the characters so perfectly, it's not funny. But it is when they want it to be. This is a must watch for anybody who calls himself a 'movie buff', the hell does that mean anyway?
---
There you have it, a review from a man so bored he painted his nails. Okay, no. But I could if I wanted to. This will not be a regular thing so, if you are looking for movie reviews old or new, hindi or english (though you'll find mostly english movies, the guy is slightly gavaar when it comes to hindi).
Here is the link; http://www.nick-movies.blogspot.com
Do go there and do NOT click on his ads (And 'NOT' doesn't apply, so do click on them)
Okay, this has been fun. And everytime you think of me, you'll get some!
Ciao (okay, never again...)
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Post No. 17: Would you do it with a friend? Would you do it end-to-end?
Hello douche-bags!
Okay, my recent posts have become more serious and well, just angry rants. And that is really not my style.
So, whatsup? Well, nothing much on my side either; still woman-less, still pee in my bed at night, still an idiot. I wonder what the pope is doing right now? Probably looking at himself in his hat. I like the pope's hat. It “cool”.
Yesterday was my art teacher's birthday. I can understand why she is so... full of it. I mean the woman (if you want to call her that) just turned a hundred and eleventy (guess where I got this from)!
Moving on, my parents don't enter my room. Not on a regular basis, at least. Which is good, in a way, but it makes it really difficult pretending to study! I don't want to lie, I just want to fake it!
And I passed my first eco(nomics) test. I was sure I would fail it and that would mean I'd have to do it again. Twice! Bu I passed. And my friend, who is book smart, flunked it. I won't embarrass him by giving out his name, but here's a hint; the first part of his name is 'The' and the second part has a B, a H, an A, two Ls and another A. But thats as far as you are getting!
I am bored. I should be studying for a test tomorrow, but my ethics come in the way. Plus, I am bored and studies bore me. I want entertainment. I want a naked woman dancing for me. And preferably a good looking woman. Or some sick freaks would stick an old lady, who just wants to have sex with The Pope, in front of me.
I pick on the pope too much. Well, he can go fuck himself and leave the little boys alone! But seriously, I should stop.
Anyway, I am going to wrap it up with a final message which, I hope, will change your life. It changed mine!
“The Great Jambonie, eccentric human cannonball known for taking his lucky donkey to all his performances, escaped near tragedy today when the donkey climbed into the cannon muzzle just as Jambonie was taking off. It took the surgeons three hours to remove Jambonie's head from his ass.”
Good night and keep away from the windows; You can get cancer. In the head!
Okay, my recent posts have become more serious and well, just angry rants. And that is really not my style.
So, whatsup? Well, nothing much on my side either; still woman-less, still pee in my bed at night, still an idiot. I wonder what the pope is doing right now? Probably looking at himself in his hat. I like the pope's hat. It “cool”.
Yesterday was my art teacher's birthday. I can understand why she is so... full of it. I mean the woman (if you want to call her that) just turned a hundred and eleventy (guess where I got this from)!
Moving on, my parents don't enter my room. Not on a regular basis, at least. Which is good, in a way, but it makes it really difficult pretending to study! I don't want to lie, I just want to fake it!
And I passed my first eco(nomics) test. I was sure I would fail it and that would mean I'd have to do it again. Twice! Bu I passed. And my friend, who is book smart, flunked it. I won't embarrass him by giving out his name, but here's a hint; the first part of his name is 'The' and the second part has a B, a H, an A, two Ls and another A. But thats as far as you are getting!
I am bored. I should be studying for a test tomorrow, but my ethics come in the way. Plus, I am bored and studies bore me. I want entertainment. I want a naked woman dancing for me. And preferably a good looking woman. Or some sick freaks would stick an old lady, who just wants to have sex with The Pope, in front of me.
I pick on the pope too much. Well, he can go fuck himself and leave the little boys alone! But seriously, I should stop.
Anyway, I am going to wrap it up with a final message which, I hope, will change your life. It changed mine!
“The Great Jambonie, eccentric human cannonball known for taking his lucky donkey to all his performances, escaped near tragedy today when the donkey climbed into the cannon muzzle just as Jambonie was taking off. It took the surgeons three hours to remove Jambonie's head from his ass.”
Good night and keep away from the windows; You can get cancer. In the head!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Post No. 16: The Pope is coming, hide the little boys!
Hello men and boys and all with penises.. no not you Pope,
Women have actually managed to piss me off. Not really, but I am closer than the usual.
Now, you will ask 'why?'.
'Why Avanish? What have the goddam women done now?' And I'll answer; they can't get over it! I use 'gay' as an insult (among other richer meanings). I am sorry if it insulted you in anyway, I respect homosexuals. It takes balls to be gay (Especially in the society of today, where they just need an excuse to screw you. And I am not just talking about India.). But if I use a term in any particular way other than it referring to homosexuality, why do women have to come after me with scissors trying to castrate me?
I am not a sexist because it sounds like I am getting some. I am one because women have made me one. I feel for women who actually suffer. But women that I know, they need to chill the fuck out!
I, generally, like the women I know. They are nice people. Yes, they are. But there are these little things, which are okay once in while but sometimes they over do it. But thats a female trait. And its true.
And don't think women aren't sexist. They are, they are probably more than we are (I am).
Okay, here is another thing, women can't get over stuff. They push little mistakes and misunderstandings In your face every opportunity they get. I once said 'sad and disturbing'. Because I am not the most physically fit man. For some reason the woman took offense or something. And she held onto it for I don't know how long! And I did notice it six months later (so I guess I do know how long...). I forgot about the comment. I could barely remember when I said it. But now I do. And I have nothing against her, I like her. But sometimes I can't tell if she did take offense to it or not, if she ever got over it or not (I bet she did... I mean when its coming from me, nobody really cares... ), I don't know if she uses it as a joke or still holds a grudge . I hate women.
And I think pink is gay. I bet I'll get a stupid comment telling me that pink is not gay and it can't be gay because, and I quote, Its a freaking sexual orientation.
Well, get over it!
Again, I like women. Because I am not gay (there, I used it correctly). Anyway, I like women. The ones I know and in general. But I am not a sexist because it sounds like I am getting some, but I have actually seen this shit happen.
And I hope I didn't offend anybody (I know I did. And I am wearing a steel underwear tomorrow. I'd like my balls to stay attached to my groin and not on the floor, to graphic?) And if I did, GET OVER IT!
Anyway, this was actually very fun. And I'll see you women later, have fun bitching about me!(yea, I went there! And cam back with my balls!)
Women have actually managed to piss me off. Not really, but I am closer than the usual.
Now, you will ask 'why?'.
'Why Avanish? What have the goddam women done now?' And I'll answer; they can't get over it! I use 'gay' as an insult (among other richer meanings). I am sorry if it insulted you in anyway, I respect homosexuals. It takes balls to be gay (Especially in the society of today, where they just need an excuse to screw you. And I am not just talking about India.). But if I use a term in any particular way other than it referring to homosexuality, why do women have to come after me with scissors trying to castrate me?
I am not a sexist because it sounds like I am getting some. I am one because women have made me one. I feel for women who actually suffer. But women that I know, they need to chill the fuck out!
I, generally, like the women I know. They are nice people. Yes, they are. But there are these little things, which are okay once in while but sometimes they over do it. But thats a female trait. And its true.
And don't think women aren't sexist. They are, they are probably more than we are (I am).
Okay, here is another thing, women can't get over stuff. They push little mistakes and misunderstandings In your face every opportunity they get. I once said 'sad and disturbing'. Because I am not the most physically fit man. For some reason the woman took offense or something. And she held onto it for I don't know how long! And I did notice it six months later (so I guess I do know how long...). I forgot about the comment. I could barely remember when I said it. But now I do. And I have nothing against her, I like her. But sometimes I can't tell if she did take offense to it or not, if she ever got over it or not (I bet she did... I mean when its coming from me, nobody really cares... ), I don't know if she uses it as a joke or still holds a grudge . I hate women.
And I think pink is gay. I bet I'll get a stupid comment telling me that pink is not gay and it can't be gay because, and I quote, Its a freaking sexual orientation.
Well, get over it!
Again, I like women. Because I am not gay (there, I used it correctly). Anyway, I like women. The ones I know and in general. But I am not a sexist because it sounds like I am getting some, but I have actually seen this shit happen.
And I hope I didn't offend anybody (I know I did. And I am wearing a steel underwear tomorrow. I'd like my balls to stay attached to my groin and not on the floor, to graphic?) And if I did, GET OVER IT!
Anyway, this was actually very fun. And I'll see you women later, have fun bitching about me!(yea, I went there! And cam back with my balls!)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Post No. 15: Did you shave my cat...
Hello...
This has been a rather disturbing day, no not really. I have no idea what to talk about. And no, I don't have writers block. That happens to people who have something worth writing.
I have also noticed that I blog. Everyday. Every-fucking-day! This truly is sad. And disturbing.
I have become one of those freaks of nature who write about their life and what they did during the day. I am feeling sad. And disturbed.
Anyway, I noticed that I had tried a joke twice. And I don't know if people laughed at it or not. The joke was about how much I hated 'that ugly fuck' across the mirror. So, I ask you; did you laugh??
I watched the trailer of Dragonball Evolution. Now, this movie can be kickass or they can screw it up like I have with my life. But they don't have many of the fun characters, like Krillin. Thats all I can think of right now.
Also, I am desperately awaiting X-Men Origins: Wolverine. And I wish I had someone to talk about comics with. I have no one except my brother. And I would annoy my brother by calling him constantly, but then again unlike me; he has a life. And, probably, a woman.
Man, I swear, everybody is getting some except me. Even my friend is being set up with another one of my friends as we speak. I can't disclose their identities on account of it ruining the set up. Man, if I don't land a woman withing this year I am switching to guys. And I'll probably fail at that too.
Sometimes I wish I had the balls to ask a girl out, but as we all know, my balls are in the hands of the devil (or the art teacher). Bitch.
Moving on, Have you ever noticed the couples sitting on the corner seats of movie theaters making out and fondling each others body parts, I have, and trust me you, Its not the most desirable sight. Though its better than watching The O.C. Jeez, can you get more white trash? YES, 91210!!!!
I am sick of white-teen dramas that come out of the worlds snake pit called the United States of Assholes. Why do people watch them? They have nothing to do with our fucking situation. Get over it.
I'll finish now. I am sleepy and tomorrow's a holiday. I'll sleep in late and then try to loosen up the grip my art teacher has on my testicles.
Anyway, say hi to your friends and family. Except your mom, I'll be seeing her soon. Did that hurt? No it didn't, because it came from me, and lets be honest here, who respects me? Not even my own slave. Okay, I don't have a slave. But I wish I did!
Oh well, live on one more night.
This has been a rather disturbing day, no not really. I have no idea what to talk about. And no, I don't have writers block. That happens to people who have something worth writing.
I have also noticed that I blog. Everyday. Every-fucking-day! This truly is sad. And disturbing.
I have become one of those freaks of nature who write about their life and what they did during the day. I am feeling sad. And disturbed.
Anyway, I noticed that I had tried a joke twice. And I don't know if people laughed at it or not. The joke was about how much I hated 'that ugly fuck' across the mirror. So, I ask you; did you laugh??
I watched the trailer of Dragonball Evolution. Now, this movie can be kickass or they can screw it up like I have with my life. But they don't have many of the fun characters, like Krillin. Thats all I can think of right now.
Also, I am desperately awaiting X-Men Origins: Wolverine. And I wish I had someone to talk about comics with. I have no one except my brother. And I would annoy my brother by calling him constantly, but then again unlike me; he has a life. And, probably, a woman.
Man, I swear, everybody is getting some except me. Even my friend is being set up with another one of my friends as we speak. I can't disclose their identities on account of it ruining the set up. Man, if I don't land a woman withing this year I am switching to guys. And I'll probably fail at that too.
Sometimes I wish I had the balls to ask a girl out, but as we all know, my balls are in the hands of the devil (or the art teacher). Bitch.
Moving on, Have you ever noticed the couples sitting on the corner seats of movie theaters making out and fondling each others body parts, I have, and trust me you, Its not the most desirable sight. Though its better than watching The O.C. Jeez, can you get more white trash? YES, 91210!!!!
I am sick of white-teen dramas that come out of the worlds snake pit called the United States of Assholes. Why do people watch them? They have nothing to do with our fucking situation. Get over it.
I'll finish now. I am sleepy and tomorrow's a holiday. I'll sleep in late and then try to loosen up the grip my art teacher has on my testicles.
Anyway, say hi to your friends and family. Except your mom, I'll be seeing her soon. Did that hurt? No it didn't, because it came from me, and lets be honest here, who respects me? Not even my own slave. Okay, I don't have a slave. But I wish I did!
Oh well, live on one more night.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Post No. 14: Armaan has a nice blog...
People suck,
So, people hate people. If not hate, they don't like each other. Me? I like everybody, except some people who just annoy me. I won't name them. Kirat, Nick, The B.H.A.L.L.A., Firdaus, Radhika, Tara, Urvashi, that ugly fuck on the other side of the mirror etc.
I don't get the politics of the whole thing. (Again, I do not know what this sentence is suppose to mean, it just sounds nice...)
Moving on, tomorrow will suck. Well, I don't know if It will or not, but if I go with my gut; I need to pee. Now. Today was fun. I have taken a liking to Thursdays, they make me feel all... fuzzy inside.
Sometimes I don't know if people even like me. Sometimes it feels like I live in a world of lies and deception. But then I have my medication and everything is back to normal. No, but seriously, it's hard to tell sometimes. And the thing is there aren't any reasons to like me anyway; I am not charming, I am not fun to look at. I am not ugly either, but I am on the worse half of average looking. I am stupid as a female monkey scratching her balls. WHY would they like me? Then it comes to me; people like monkeys. Oh, and they suck.
Anyway, I am sleepy. And I like the new small posts, they might not be funny (not that they ever were) and might be zero on content (like the rest of the blog), its easier on me.
So, sayonara, you stupid Canadian.
So, people hate people. If not hate, they don't like each other. Me? I like everybody, except some people who just annoy me. I won't name them. Kirat, Nick, The B.H.A.L.L.A., Firdaus, Radhika, Tara, Urvashi, that ugly fuck on the other side of the mirror etc.
I don't get the politics of the whole thing. (Again, I do not know what this sentence is suppose to mean, it just sounds nice...)
Moving on, tomorrow will suck. Well, I don't know if It will or not, but if I go with my gut; I need to pee. Now. Today was fun. I have taken a liking to Thursdays, they make me feel all... fuzzy inside.
Sometimes I don't know if people even like me. Sometimes it feels like I live in a world of lies and deception. But then I have my medication and everything is back to normal. No, but seriously, it's hard to tell sometimes. And the thing is there aren't any reasons to like me anyway; I am not charming, I am not fun to look at. I am not ugly either, but I am on the worse half of average looking. I am stupid as a female monkey scratching her balls. WHY would they like me? Then it comes to me; people like monkeys. Oh, and they suck.
Anyway, I am sleepy. And I like the new small posts, they might not be funny (not that they ever were) and might be zero on content (like the rest of the blog), its easier on me.
So, sayonara, you stupid Canadian.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Post No. 13: He needs a haircut!
Hello.
This is my last post. I am never going to post again.
HA, fooled you!
Anyway, my parents are away for a couple of days, I am alone at home(hint, hint ladies...). And Nick just spent two hours at my place. We watched videos on YOUTUBE. It was really sad. And disturbing. Tomorrows Thursday. I like Thursdays. I don't have art on Thursdays. I never thought I could actually not like 'art' as a subject of study. Really. It's the teacher, that bitch has a tight grip on my balls! One false move and she crushes them like she crushed Lucifer's supreme rule over Hell.
I am participating in MUN. Model United Nation(s?). Its Intra-school. And you know what the best part is; people actually want me in their committee even though they know I am a complete idiot who is one false move away from being castrated! It feels nice to be wanted.
Now, I have to decide between “Urvashi”(remember her?) and Kirat. And I don't want to say 'no' to anybody, I don't like to disappoint. That is my only flaw (and if I do make a false move, I'll never be able to have kids again, so thats there too...) (And yes, I am going to bring that up repeatedly!)
Anyway, I might go with the woman. I mean, c'mon, the choice is between a guy and a woman. I don't want to complicate things, so I look at it from an EXTREMELY basic view; Man or Woman?
The answer is woman.
Both are really good friends. Both are equally stupid, but shhh; they don't know it! Talk about delusions of grandeur.
The only difference between them and me is they work hard and I don't (Also I am mentally sick)
I had only one term, when I offered to join, it was that I wouldn't be required to do ANY work what-so-ever! And both of them accepted the terms. That screwed me in more ways than imaginable (not really, but always wanted say that, “screwed me in more ways than imaginable”).
Anyway, I just realized, this post is just me ranting on about my life. And you don't want to know about my life, you read this blog to read abut my 'sexcapades'. (Its like escapades involving sex. With a female (for a change!)).
Well, I'll wrap it up. See you soul-less muggers later. And have swagger while you on it!
This is my last post. I am never going to post again.
HA, fooled you!
Anyway, my parents are away for a couple of days, I am alone at home(hint, hint ladies...). And Nick just spent two hours at my place. We watched videos on YOUTUBE. It was really sad. And disturbing. Tomorrows Thursday. I like Thursdays. I don't have art on Thursdays. I never thought I could actually not like 'art' as a subject of study. Really. It's the teacher, that bitch has a tight grip on my balls! One false move and she crushes them like she crushed Lucifer's supreme rule over Hell.
I am participating in MUN. Model United Nation(s?). Its Intra-school. And you know what the best part is; people actually want me in their committee even though they know I am a complete idiot who is one false move away from being castrated! It feels nice to be wanted.
Now, I have to decide between “Urvashi”(remember her?) and Kirat. And I don't want to say 'no' to anybody, I don't like to disappoint. That is my only flaw (and if I do make a false move, I'll never be able to have kids again, so thats there too...) (And yes, I am going to bring that up repeatedly!)
Anyway, I might go with the woman. I mean, c'mon, the choice is between a guy and a woman. I don't want to complicate things, so I look at it from an EXTREMELY basic view; Man or Woman?
The answer is woman.
Both are really good friends. Both are equally stupid, but shhh; they don't know it! Talk about delusions of grandeur.
The only difference between them and me is they work hard and I don't (Also I am mentally sick)
I had only one term, when I offered to join, it was that I wouldn't be required to do ANY work what-so-ever! And both of them accepted the terms. That screwed me in more ways than imaginable (not really, but always wanted say that, “screwed me in more ways than imaginable”).
Anyway, I just realized, this post is just me ranting on about my life. And you don't want to know about my life, you read this blog to read abut my 'sexcapades'. (Its like escapades involving sex. With a female (for a change!)).
Well, I'll wrap it up. See you soul-less muggers later. And have swagger while you on it!
Monday, February 16, 2009
Post No. 12: We are the cause of a world that's gone wrong... and Micheal Jackson.
Hello slinky,
I haven't posted since valentines day since it was a super-post and I didn't want to distract from that. But lets get over it. Comments have stopped coming in. And I'd like to thank Alchemy16 for her generous words (she might have been high though...) and I don't like to refer to people as their username, I prefer their real name. BUT since this a blog where we keep everybody anonymous I will call this one “Urvashi”. Its just a bunch of random syllables joined together.
SO, thank you “Urvashi” >wink, wink<.
But honestly, I am very happy with how the Super-post turned out. The only plan of mine that has worked in recent time. Unlike the last one, where I tried to get a mongoose to mate with a snake. But a little too late (after I had spent a couple of grand on each) did I realize, snakes don't have vaginae or penises. It's a screwy, screwy world we live in.
As people all over the world were dealing with the aftermath of the 14th, my brother celebrated his 22nd anniversary being on this planet and his 7th attempt to get out of it on the 15th. Belated-'Happy Birthday' Dada (I am NOT bengali... screw you!), you are the other half of the reason I am such a fucked up retard. Thank you!
No, but really, I am in his debt. If not for him, I'd be all proactive like Kirat, Urvashi, Firdaus, Radhika and others. But have you seen them? If you are new here, chances are you haven't. But take my word for it; they are way more screwed up than I am. The only difference is, they are a different kind of 'fucked up'. I have an extension; retard. Sometimes I am afraid their heart will fail of heart failure. Well, not the males, they are pretty decent (by 'decent', I mean they are too fucked up to get stressed (and I don't mean the psycho-term), they have different kinds of aftereffects like cynicism and weight. I am fat, but I don't work and I eat. A lot. That man plays soccer and he is still pretty hefty!).
The women. I am not sexist, its just that these things have happened infront of me. And guys always somehow, some-how just out-do women. But women are still my first preference.
Anyway, my brother introduced me to comic books, the genres of sci-fi and fantasy. STARWARS! Now, you must be thinking; his brother must be a geek, but he gets more women than the Pope gets little boys! And THAT is saying something.
Anyway, before I offend anymore people, I'll wrap it up.
So, I shall see you when I done with your m...(I was going to say 'mom' but I realized it might offend someone.)
So, bye.
White people SUCK!
I haven't posted since valentines day since it was a super-post and I didn't want to distract from that. But lets get over it. Comments have stopped coming in. And I'd like to thank Alchemy16 for her generous words (she might have been high though...) and I don't like to refer to people as their username, I prefer their real name. BUT since this a blog where we keep everybody anonymous I will call this one “Urvashi”. Its just a bunch of random syllables joined together.
SO, thank you “Urvashi” >wink, wink<.
But honestly, I am very happy with how the Super-post turned out. The only plan of mine that has worked in recent time. Unlike the last one, where I tried to get a mongoose to mate with a snake. But a little too late (after I had spent a couple of grand on each) did I realize, snakes don't have vaginae or penises. It's a screwy, screwy world we live in.
As people all over the world were dealing with the aftermath of the 14th, my brother celebrated his 22nd anniversary being on this planet and his 7th attempt to get out of it on the 15th. Belated-'Happy Birthday' Dada (I am NOT bengali... screw you!), you are the other half of the reason I am such a fucked up retard. Thank you!
No, but really, I am in his debt. If not for him, I'd be all proactive like Kirat, Urvashi, Firdaus, Radhika and others. But have you seen them? If you are new here, chances are you haven't. But take my word for it; they are way more screwed up than I am. The only difference is, they are a different kind of 'fucked up'. I have an extension; retard. Sometimes I am afraid their heart will fail of heart failure. Well, not the males, they are pretty decent (by 'decent', I mean they are too fucked up to get stressed (and I don't mean the psycho-term), they have different kinds of aftereffects like cynicism and weight. I am fat, but I don't work and I eat. A lot. That man plays soccer and he is still pretty hefty!).
The women. I am not sexist, its just that these things have happened infront of me. And guys always somehow, some-how just out-do women. But women are still my first preference.
Anyway, my brother introduced me to comic books, the genres of sci-fi and fantasy. STARWARS! Now, you must be thinking; his brother must be a geek, but he gets more women than the Pope gets little boys! And THAT is saying something.
Anyway, before I offend anymore people, I'll wrap it up.
So, I shall see you when I done with your m...(I was going to say 'mom' but I realized it might offend someone.)
So, bye.
White people SUCK!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Super-Post No. 1: The Sausage's in Germany are Big...
Happy valentines day, you love-less freaks,
Today is the day they call the 'day of love'. Who, you ask. Some guy on the Internet, fuckifIknow! (got this one from a friend...>wink, wink<) Yesterday was the thirteenth and a Friday. And it was a good day. Sure a couple hundred fucks all around the world had a crap day, but screw them.
I won't particularly talk about valentines day or love, I don't do so well with mushy stuff. Or flowers. Or candy (doesn't mean I don't love it). Or women. And, again, that does not mean I don't love them. I decided to reveal many things with this post, in case some sad, low-life who I don't know is reading this. Like for starters, my name is not Hawkeye (don't need to be brown to figure that out...), Its Avanish Sathianathan (try pronouncing this you white motherfuckers!).
I also promised I would reveal the person I liked. It'll be done at the end of this massive post. Though when I made the promise, I assumed I would be pretty sloshed when I write this. But it just hit me later; I don't drink! And not that there's anything wrong with that, I hear drunk people are 'better lovers'. Or was it 'easy'?
Anyway, today, people will be asked out, they'll get laid, spend time with that special someone or two, kiss for the first time, sit at home and watch porn while pining for a girl they will never get, gift heart shaped boxes with chocolate in it to friends, etc. For some people, today should be beautiful or >insert other mushy stuff<. For to me (If you idiots haven;t figured it out yet, I am the guy sitting at home watching porn while pining for a girl I will never get, on account of me being stupid and retarded. And fuck ugly) it will be like any other day.
It's sad really. I am getting all down about a day that I believe is a sham. I guess I am finally hitting puberty (about time, won't you say?). I finally need female companionship. Or a dog.
I read that again, and the para above this, the ending, it doesn't sound right. But hopefully you will understand what I mean after you are done laughing or thinking about how my name rhymes with 'sick fuck'.
I like school.
Moving on, I have asked a few of my friends (yes, I have friends and no I don't pay them... at least not on an hourly basis and NO, they don't charge extra for anal either, well, not all of them...) to write some articles to make this post worth reading and maybe increase my fan base, which might be only two people.
You will also notice that the contributors are all male. I was considering asking a couple of women to write, but A) they (most probably) think I am creep who should die. B) Women have no sense of humor. I mean it; name one GOOD female comedian. Or name one female who actually cracks jokes which don't end with 'tho wear a thaddle thilly!'.
My friends were kind enough (Or complete idiots...) to bother with this and write the following pieces. Probably the only part worth reading throughout this post (or blog). And how do you know its not me pretending to be someone else, wearing a corset and having sex with dogs?. Well, A) The language. I barely manage to put words together, the following articles are written in a highly refined manner. B) The topics handled by them are way above my petty rantings and the humor is much more witty than me putting F words everywhere. C) I don't have a C.
The following is by Mr. Firdaus Kishwar. A good man, this one is. His post is funny, but then again, I laugh at a fart which was just skin rubbing on leather. SO have a look for yourself.
Not really... Surprise me...
Disclaimer: Reading ahead could cause some serious, irreversible damage (that’s how bad this is going to be).
So anyway, I’m writing this because my friend, the “boob” (this one actually is a code name), asked me to write it. He said there was no specific topic I had to write on, but he was subtly hinting at Valentine’s Day. Subtle however is matter of perspective. While talking to me on the phone, telling me there is no particular topic I had to write it on, he sent me a sms saying “you can write it on the topic of valentine’s day if you want”.
But this Valentine’s a big occasion for him. He’s gonna reveal to us whom he likes. The guys and I have got a bet going on as to who it will be. No, wait, that’s the second bet. The first one is a bet on which gender he has a crush on. I personally have a hundred bucks on him being gay. I’m also in on the second bet, with two hundred bucks on him having a thing for the B.H.A.L.L.A. (refer to previous posts).
I know the B.H.A.L.L.A. has a secret thing for him. Nick and “boob” went to watch a movie without the B.H.A.L.L.A. and the B.H.A.L.L.A. (seriously is getting annoying typing his name out) then had a broken heart. The sms’s that followed went like this:
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “what, you went without me?”
boob: “dude relax, just a movie. Besides, I really wanted to watch it. I heard some guys kisses another guy.”
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “that hurt. I'm hurting inside now baby. I'm not going to talk to you until you do something sweet for me.”
The next day in school, in attempt to pacify the B.H.A.L.L.A., ‘boob’ tried to learn the soulja boy dance and win him back. It did work to some extent, as you will see in the following sms’s:
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “ I assume you got home since you haven’t returned any of my calls or messages. Call me!!!
Boob: “sorry dude, left my phone at home when I went to say “hey, waats upp?” to a bunch of friends in the colony.”
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “see, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”
We guys read his sms’s one of these past days, and were all like “What the hell!?!? We weren’t even invited to the wedding!! That to when we set you guys up!!” (please get the joke)
I sincerely apologize for writing something like that. Though my writing otherwise is only marginally better. Go see http://firdaus1992.blogspot.com to read more.
By Firdaus Kishwar
--- --- --- ---
And Wow. That just blew me away. It really did and I think I lost some weight!
The next one is by The B.H.A.L.L.A, and we are not having an affair... or are we?
Here's The B.H.A.L.L.A.'s post,
A day in the life
Hello and hi and whats been going on? I do not know how to start and I may not know how to end but whatever. I don't care what people are going to say about my writing and content fo this post and I don't care if you understand it or not.
You should just read this thinking nothing and you should know that I when I was asked to write this post, I had many different ideas on what to post about but what I finally settled on might make some of you mad, might piss some of you off and might be a fun read for some of you. Whatever the outcome is, I hope it is a good one for you. Don't come crying to me on Monday morning.
Today is a beautiful morning, the sun is out and the birds are chirping. Happy times indeed. The past few weeks though, have been nothing like today.
Over the past two weeks or so, our exams have ended, we celebrated, saw Slumdog Millionaire, played AOE, threw a grad dinner for our seniors and started Class XII with only 3-4% of the class really eager and wanting to study. These two weeks were quite fun on the whole but mostly pissing off during the times. Especially when Kirat, me and Nick and Avanish and Firdaus went back and forth killing each other and creating a army again and again until Firdaus and Avanish left and me Nick and Kirat went on and on. Eventually we were forced to quit.
There was also the part about sending Nick all around Priya until he found us at Yo! China. These were truly fun times and won't be forgotten for sometime to come. Now let me get on to my actual post. It won't be that long so don't worry.
Let me first of all introduce you to the wonderful people who will grace this post.
In no particular order:
1.Person PO: Annoying, slow and just the right person to laugh at.
2.The Forgotten Loser: This person is just one of those loves to piss off others and is a wannabe SCM.
3.A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba / En zeki ve salakça Kişi: Whoever this is will probably be wanting to know what this means and why I did this.
4.Hello, Hi, How Do You Do?: Couldn't think of a much better one so for now this will have to do.
5.El otro: Supports a team but is outnumbered here in New Delhi.
6.Randomness: Needed to be added.
7.Los Otros / Oi Alloi: Does this need to be explained anymore?
If you read my post and know somewhat about me, then you should get the post. If not, then read it again and try and understand it.
The day was whatever you want it to be. The place was NCR. All 7 people were there. The weather was nice and cooperating and what we had decided to do for the day was nothing. We all arrived withing 30 minutes of each other at South Ex except for Randomness. Why there? No one knew. This was all En zeki ve salakça Kişi idea. So we went to South Ex and we went around finding this particular movie for Person PO. We couldn't. Los otros were getting pissed off and so was El otro. We then headed for lunch and Randomness called us. We sent them to Saket while we headed to Ansal Plaza to have some food. Over there, we split up as half the people wanted Subway and the others McDonalds. Randomness had just reached Saket in the meanwhile but couldn't find any of us. So we decided to send them on a Metro ride to Rohini (which is quite a long distance away). We then decided to go for a movie but as usual, that was the hardest decision to be made. We deliberated for about an hour on which one to see but in the end we went for Delhi-6. Randomness being themselves, actually listened to us and went to Rohini.
Person PO and The Forgotten Loser were arguing on whether or not Sonam Kapoor is hot and Hello, Hi, How Do You Do joined in but no one else was up for it. The Los Otros walked out, saw a 40% sale and ran towards it. Leaving A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba / En zeki ve salakça Kişi and El Otro to debate on more serious matters. I on the other hand was coordinating the direction in which we were sending Randomness for a ride. They finally reached Rohini and dindn't find us. Being them though, they still wanted to meet us as they knew where we would be in the evening.
We decided a few days before but never told Randomness (though they found out) that we were going to a concert with Jack Johnson and Kanye West. So next for the Randomness's was too finally meet us. We finally told them where we would be. We told them that we just came out of a movie from Priya and that we were heading towards Select City Walk. So they reached there and wanted to slap all of us but hey, we outnumbered them! 11-3.
You know, En zeki ve salakça Kişi finally broke out of his mindset and commented on something he never does. This startled all of us but we all welcomed it. Person PO and Randomness finally told everyone what has been going on. Los Otros and me and El Otro left for my place before the concert. While the others went to Person PO's house. We all went back home. Had some more food. Watched TV. Gossiped and did the usual stuff. We also bitched a lot about people which happenes every other day.
The day was winding down and we all got dressed. Looking hot and handsome. We then met at Siri For Auditorium at 6:30. An hour before it was to begin. The only reason for dressing up was for the party after the concert. The concert was great fun and Person PO and Randomness especially enjoyed it. En zeki ve salakça Kişi commented some more (I shan't tell you the rest). So that was over and we dragged En zeki ve salakça Kişi to the party at Ministry of Sound. It was a Wednesday night, so the women got in free.
The last part of the day was one of the most fun other than the concert. We all danced (for a change), some drank (was bound to happen), no one smoked (thankfully) and Person PO and Randomness really struck it together. They were the new “it” couple. We all spurred En zeki ve salakça Kişi to dance! It was fun. The Forgotten Loser made a fool of himself. The other Randomness hit it off with The Forgotten Loser.
El Otro, Los Otros and I, left at around 11:00 in the night and took Hello, Hi, How Do You Do? And left for El Otro's house where we enjoyed our final few moment before the day ended and a new year began. The new year was to bring us a whole lot more of studying and no time for shit like this so we thoroughly enjoyed the day as much as we could.
The one person I have not talked about much was Hello, Hi, How Do You Do? His story commands a whole post by itself. So that will be left for Part II.
Person PO: “I especially liked the day for my luck was good and my dance was great and all I can say is, Love, Love, Love.
The Forgotten Loser: I roamed around Delhi aimlessly and did stupid shit but hey, when do I not do that?
A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba: “Today was th day I finally broke out of my mindset and went a head and did the unthinkable.
Hello, Hi, How Do You Do?: Trailed along, enjoyed it and talked in the annoying way he always does. “I am the man and I am the woman, I shall break free tomorrow”.
El Otro: “My jokes today may not have worked, but who the hell really cares? “I got to see a fabulous concert and spend the last day and hours of freedom with some of my best friends.
Randomness 1: Love, Love, Love, What more can I say? “Actually, the morning journey around the whole of Delhi helped me see a part of Delhi I had never even set foot in before.” Thanks guys!
Randomness 2: I am going to kill you all for this! “Arrgh, you people are going to have to be reported. Beware!”
Randomness 3 & 4: Had awesome fun and wouldn't mind doing this again.
Los Otros: Changed clothes twice in a day, saw a concert and did some shit I wouldn't have done before (Will be revealed in Part II). “We all enjoyed ourselves and the things we did were fun and outrageous but who the hell gives a damn? It is out life, let us enjoy it ourselves. Also, to get revenge on the Randomness was just the best thing one could have asked for”. Thanks and we love you all!
Part I – was the story that was told to everyone. The last day of freedom and all. A day that shall not be forgotten. Part I was the clean and censored part. It was the part which all people who want to can enjoy.
Part II – Now, there was an inside story also to this day. Lots of things happened which are not included in Part I for various reasons. Part II will be carrying the uncensored part and the rest of the story which may be a little out of hand.
So soak up the sun, enjoy the first part of the story and await the upcoming Part II of the story.
Thanks everyone for celebrating the wonderful day with me.
--- --- --- ---
And Wow. That just blew me away. Next time I'll get a monkey.
The following is by my friend who is considered to be one of the smartest kids in the batch (even the school, probably). But trust me, he is not. He is an idiot, like you and I. But the only difference is; he SOUNDS smart. His voice has that arrogance and tone which commands intellect (even I don't know what this is supposed to mean, I just like the way it sounds!). And its not a bad thing, it will help him get far in life and that is also one of he reasons I like this man (also I see through all his bullshit...). His request was that his name should not be revealed so I won't. (there, I didn't reveal you name Kirat Singh...)
A Tribute to Cynicism.
(My friend has this habit of calling me a cynic, so I think I'll give him some cynicism today)
It's fourteenth February. It's Valentine's Day.
I don't care.
The sun still rose in the morning. And guess what? It still rose in the east. The sun will set this evening. It will set in the west. My guarantee.
The cows in my lane will continue to emit, if you know what I mean, methane and continue to shroud the lane with that nauseating bovine smell. It's the day of love.
Chickens and goats will be slaughtered by the hundreds, no, by the thousands to feed the countless Valentine buffets all over the city. It is the day of love.
My seemingly unendingly futile search for a math tutor will continue. In a very serious tone one of them will tell me, 'I'm fully booked but I can come at 5.30 am and 11.46 pm, but only on weekends.' It's the day of love.
While going for a game of Saturday tennis I will still get stuck in a retarded traffic jam just outside my house. People will still look exasperated. Someone in my vicinity will make a comment about improper planning and a corrupt bureaucracy. We Delhiites are very fond of blaming our troubles on 'them.' 'They' will continue to bear the blame for the troubles we will face today. 'They' can't even remove these stinking cows. It's the day of love.
Israel and Gaza had agreed upon a crude ceasefire.
I just read that the Israeli Navy and the Israeli Air force is shelling the Gaza Strip. Innocent civilians, innocent children will die today. It is the day of love.
Two men have been arrested in Australia for starting some of the bushfires that have killed nearly 200 people. There are people in this world who would purposely ignite large tracts of forest to kill, to maim and to destroy. This is the human race, the one that celebrates, so vociferously, the day of love.
It is Valentine's Day, it is the day of love.
Touche.
--- --- --- ---
And Wow. That just blew. Mr. Anonymous, you really are cynical.
Now, this post is by a man, to whom I have no objections saying 'Go fuck yourself'. This man has known me since I was just an amateur retard. This article is by Marcus Aaron T***** Norbula.
Douchebags piss me off!
There's a reason why I illegally download all my movies,i mean uh... wait for them to release on Dvd and then buy them legally on itunes. The whole movie watching experience is just ruined for me. And you know this blog isn't about the people who should shut the fuck up at the movie theater (THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER BLOG), I'm talking about the stupid fucks that come out from a kung-fu movie and think they can fight.
You know how it is,there are always these one or two douchebags that come out of a movie theater just punching and kicking in the air and they're just saying to themselves "Man I wish someone would challenge me to a fight right now" YOU FUCKING IDIOT! Why do you think you can fight? Yeah because 10yrs of martial arts training is equal to sitting on your ass for an hour and a half, eating a fucking tub of popcorn and watching Jackie Chan flip over shit!
Don't do..no you know what; do it! Yeah if you guys ever feel like doing that come out and challenge me to a fight,And then when that happens you're gonna wake up in a Hospital with your head bleeding,wondering; WHERE THE FUCK IS MY IPOD???
And while were talking about Ipods,let me just make a whole another Tangent(yeah me knows big words), If I hear another Douchebag sitting on the bus listening to his Ipod and Singing to it loudly I'm gonna STAB A HOE!!
And if you're a good singer FINE,And if you're a bad singer and you know it DON'T SING ON THE FUCKING BUS!!! And if you're a Bad singer and you don't know it sing right now I'll wait.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................WOW, YOU'RE A BAD FUCKING SINGER!!!, And you know what, I'm a Bad singer I have no control about my pitch or my key or any of those other fucking musical term I don't get, THATS WHY I DONT SING IN FUCKING PUBLIC!!!
- Sing at home
- Sing in your shower
- If your a HOT girl with the age of eighteen, Sing and Dance around your room,RECORD IT and SEND IT TO ME........So I can appreciate your technique..........through Masturbation...
Just because you're listening to Mariah Carey,Doesn't mean you sound like FUCKING MARIAH CAREY!!!
YOU CANT HEAR YOURSELF!!!!!! EVERYONE AROUND YOU CAN FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!
So do me, you and that creepy guy sitting in the back of the bus with his hands down his pants a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
And if I tell you this please don't Fucking say "The constitution gave me the right to freedom of speech" YES it does ,But it doesn't give you the right TO SOUND LIKE FUCKING HELEN KELLER (Lets see who got that joke)
If I'm coming off as angry, don't worry I'm not, I'm just saying what everyone's thinking...Because really no one wants to hear you sing when you sound like Chewbacca with a dick in his mouth
Marcus A. T. Norbula
--- --- ---
"Chewbacca with a dick in his mouth", need I say more?
NO.
There you have it. four articles by four dumbasses. And I thought I was stupid. Jeez. And what the fuck does “nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba” mean anyway? Damn man... and I thought this would be good... It turned out amazingly well. This, my friends, is my first plan that actually worked (sort of). And I would like to thank them four, they have out done themselves (not really, but I hear people say that all the time so...). Do visit their blogs. It is much better than this, trust m... oh, who am I kidding. Even my mother doesn't trust me! This has been the most fun I have had since last Wednesday.
I promised I would reveal my lady-love's name. But when I thought about it, I realized that I didn't have the balls to and also I was torn between three girls and two guys... its really hard to decide!
Anyway, I shall wind it up now. I hope you enjoyed it. And my final thought for tonight is; may you never have to read this shit again.
Happy Valentines day.
Blog details;
The B.H.A.L.L.A.;
http:// www.sahilbhalla.com/
This is Mr. Anonymous' blog link;
http://www.kirat92.blogspot.com/
And here is Firdaus';
http://firdaus1992.blogspot.com
And Marcus doesn't have one, because he has a life!
Today is the day they call the 'day of love'. Who, you ask. Some guy on the Internet, fuckifIknow! (got this one from a friend...>wink, wink<) Yesterday was the thirteenth and a Friday. And it was a good day. Sure a couple hundred fucks all around the world had a crap day, but screw them.
I won't particularly talk about valentines day or love, I don't do so well with mushy stuff. Or flowers. Or candy (doesn't mean I don't love it). Or women. And, again, that does not mean I don't love them. I decided to reveal many things with this post, in case some sad, low-life who I don't know is reading this. Like for starters, my name is not Hawkeye (don't need to be brown to figure that out...), Its Avanish Sathianathan (try pronouncing this you white motherfuckers!).
I also promised I would reveal the person I liked. It'll be done at the end of this massive post. Though when I made the promise, I assumed I would be pretty sloshed when I write this. But it just hit me later; I don't drink! And not that there's anything wrong with that, I hear drunk people are 'better lovers'. Or was it 'easy'?
Anyway, today, people will be asked out, they'll get laid, spend time with that special someone or two, kiss for the first time, sit at home and watch porn while pining for a girl they will never get, gift heart shaped boxes with chocolate in it to friends, etc. For some people, today should be beautiful or >insert other mushy stuff<. For to me (If you idiots haven;t figured it out yet, I am the guy sitting at home watching porn while pining for a girl I will never get, on account of me being stupid and retarded. And fuck ugly) it will be like any other day.
It's sad really. I am getting all down about a day that I believe is a sham. I guess I am finally hitting puberty (about time, won't you say?). I finally need female companionship. Or a dog.
I read that again, and the para above this, the ending, it doesn't sound right. But hopefully you will understand what I mean after you are done laughing or thinking about how my name rhymes with 'sick fuck'.
I like school.
Moving on, I have asked a few of my friends (yes, I have friends and no I don't pay them... at least not on an hourly basis and NO, they don't charge extra for anal either, well, not all of them...) to write some articles to make this post worth reading and maybe increase my fan base, which might be only two people.
You will also notice that the contributors are all male. I was considering asking a couple of women to write, but A) they (most probably) think I am creep who should die. B) Women have no sense of humor. I mean it; name one GOOD female comedian. Or name one female who actually cracks jokes which don't end with 'tho wear a thaddle thilly!'.
My friends were kind enough (Or complete idiots...) to bother with this and write the following pieces. Probably the only part worth reading throughout this post (or blog). And how do you know its not me pretending to be someone else, wearing a corset and having sex with dogs?. Well, A) The language. I barely manage to put words together, the following articles are written in a highly refined manner. B) The topics handled by them are way above my petty rantings and the humor is much more witty than me putting F words everywhere. C) I don't have a C.
The following is by Mr. Firdaus Kishwar. A good man, this one is. His post is funny, but then again, I laugh at a fart which was just skin rubbing on leather. SO have a look for yourself.
Not really... Surprise me...
Disclaimer: Reading ahead could cause some serious, irreversible damage (that’s how bad this is going to be).
So anyway, I’m writing this because my friend, the “boob” (this one actually is a code name), asked me to write it. He said there was no specific topic I had to write on, but he was subtly hinting at Valentine’s Day. Subtle however is matter of perspective. While talking to me on the phone, telling me there is no particular topic I had to write it on, he sent me a sms saying “you can write it on the topic of valentine’s day if you want”.
But this Valentine’s a big occasion for him. He’s gonna reveal to us whom he likes. The guys and I have got a bet going on as to who it will be. No, wait, that’s the second bet. The first one is a bet on which gender he has a crush on. I personally have a hundred bucks on him being gay. I’m also in on the second bet, with two hundred bucks on him having a thing for the B.H.A.L.L.A. (refer to previous posts).
I know the B.H.A.L.L.A. has a secret thing for him. Nick and “boob” went to watch a movie without the B.H.A.L.L.A. and the B.H.A.L.L.A. (seriously is getting annoying typing his name out) then had a broken heart. The sms’s that followed went like this:
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “what, you went without me?”
boob: “dude relax, just a movie. Besides, I really wanted to watch it. I heard some guys kisses another guy.”
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “that hurt. I'm hurting inside now baby. I'm not going to talk to you until you do something sweet for me.”
The next day in school, in attempt to pacify the B.H.A.L.L.A., ‘boob’ tried to learn the soulja boy dance and win him back. It did work to some extent, as you will see in the following sms’s:
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “ I assume you got home since you haven’t returned any of my calls or messages. Call me!!!
Boob: “sorry dude, left my phone at home when I went to say “hey, waats upp?” to a bunch of friends in the colony.”
the B.H.A.L.L.A.: “see, that wasn’t so hard now, was it?”
We guys read his sms’s one of these past days, and were all like “What the hell!?!? We weren’t even invited to the wedding!! That to when we set you guys up!!” (please get the joke)
I sincerely apologize for writing something like that. Though my writing otherwise is only marginally better. Go see http://firdaus1992.blogspot.com to read more.
By Firdaus Kishwar
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And Wow. That just blew me away. It really did and I think I lost some weight!
The next one is by The B.H.A.L.L.A, and we are not having an affair... or are we?
Here's The B.H.A.L.L.A.'s post,
A day in the life
Hello and hi and whats been going on? I do not know how to start and I may not know how to end but whatever. I don't care what people are going to say about my writing and content fo this post and I don't care if you understand it or not.
You should just read this thinking nothing and you should know that I when I was asked to write this post, I had many different ideas on what to post about but what I finally settled on might make some of you mad, might piss some of you off and might be a fun read for some of you. Whatever the outcome is, I hope it is a good one for you. Don't come crying to me on Monday morning.
Today is a beautiful morning, the sun is out and the birds are chirping. Happy times indeed. The past few weeks though, have been nothing like today.
Over the past two weeks or so, our exams have ended, we celebrated, saw Slumdog Millionaire, played AOE, threw a grad dinner for our seniors and started Class XII with only 3-4% of the class really eager and wanting to study. These two weeks were quite fun on the whole but mostly pissing off during the times. Especially when Kirat, me and Nick and Avanish and Firdaus went back and forth killing each other and creating a army again and again until Firdaus and Avanish left and me Nick and Kirat went on and on. Eventually we were forced to quit.
There was also the part about sending Nick all around Priya until he found us at Yo! China. These were truly fun times and won't be forgotten for sometime to come. Now let me get on to my actual post. It won't be that long so don't worry.
Let me first of all introduce you to the wonderful people who will grace this post.
In no particular order:
1.Person PO: Annoying, slow and just the right person to laugh at.
2.The Forgotten Loser: This person is just one of those loves to piss off others and is a wannabe SCM.
3.A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba / En zeki ve salakça Kişi: Whoever this is will probably be wanting to know what this means and why I did this.
4.Hello, Hi, How Do You Do?: Couldn't think of a much better one so for now this will have to do.
5.El otro: Supports a team but is outnumbered here in New Delhi.
6.Randomness: Needed to be added.
7.Los Otros / Oi Alloi: Does this need to be explained anymore?
If you read my post and know somewhat about me, then you should get the post. If not, then read it again and try and understand it.
The day was whatever you want it to be. The place was NCR. All 7 people were there. The weather was nice and cooperating and what we had decided to do for the day was nothing. We all arrived withing 30 minutes of each other at South Ex except for Randomness. Why there? No one knew. This was all En zeki ve salakça Kişi idea. So we went to South Ex and we went around finding this particular movie for Person PO. We couldn't. Los otros were getting pissed off and so was El otro. We then headed for lunch and Randomness called us. We sent them to Saket while we headed to Ansal Plaza to have some food. Over there, we split up as half the people wanted Subway and the others McDonalds. Randomness had just reached Saket in the meanwhile but couldn't find any of us. So we decided to send them on a Metro ride to Rohini (which is quite a long distance away). We then decided to go for a movie but as usual, that was the hardest decision to be made. We deliberated for about an hour on which one to see but in the end we went for Delhi-6. Randomness being themselves, actually listened to us and went to Rohini.
Person PO and The Forgotten Loser were arguing on whether or not Sonam Kapoor is hot and Hello, Hi, How Do You Do joined in but no one else was up for it. The Los Otros walked out, saw a 40% sale and ran towards it. Leaving A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba / En zeki ve salakça Kişi and El Otro to debate on more serious matters. I on the other hand was coordinating the direction in which we were sending Randomness for a ride. They finally reached Rohini and dindn't find us. Being them though, they still wanted to meet us as they knew where we would be in the evening.
We decided a few days before but never told Randomness (though they found out) that we were going to a concert with Jack Johnson and Kanye West. So next for the Randomness's was too finally meet us. We finally told them where we would be. We told them that we just came out of a movie from Priya and that we were heading towards Select City Walk. So they reached there and wanted to slap all of us but hey, we outnumbered them! 11-3.
You know, En zeki ve salakça Kişi finally broke out of his mindset and commented on something he never does. This startled all of us but we all welcomed it. Person PO and Randomness finally told everyone what has been going on. Los Otros and me and El Otro left for my place before the concert. While the others went to Person PO's house. We all went back home. Had some more food. Watched TV. Gossiped and did the usual stuff. We also bitched a lot about people which happenes every other day.
The day was winding down and we all got dressed. Looking hot and handsome. We then met at Siri For Auditorium at 6:30. An hour before it was to begin. The only reason for dressing up was for the party after the concert. The concert was great fun and Person PO and Randomness especially enjoyed it. En zeki ve salakça Kişi commented some more (I shan't tell you the rest). So that was over and we dragged En zeki ve salakça Kişi to the party at Ministry of Sound. It was a Wednesday night, so the women got in free.
The last part of the day was one of the most fun other than the concert. We all danced (for a change), some drank (was bound to happen), no one smoked (thankfully) and Person PO and Randomness really struck it together. They were the new “it” couple. We all spurred En zeki ve salakça Kişi to dance! It was fun. The Forgotten Loser made a fool of himself. The other Randomness hit it off with The Forgotten Loser.
El Otro, Los Otros and I, left at around 11:00 in the night and took Hello, Hi, How Do You Do? And left for El Otro's house where we enjoyed our final few moment before the day ended and a new year began. The new year was to bring us a whole lot more of studying and no time for shit like this so we thoroughly enjoyed the day as much as we could.
The one person I have not talked about much was Hello, Hi, How Do You Do? His story commands a whole post by itself. So that will be left for Part II.
Person PO: “I especially liked the day for my luck was good and my dance was great and all I can say is, Love, Love, Love.
The Forgotten Loser: I roamed around Delhi aimlessly and did stupid shit but hey, when do I not do that?
A nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba: “Today was th day I finally broke out of my mindset and went a head and did the unthinkable.
Hello, Hi, How Do You Do?: Trailed along, enjoyed it and talked in the annoying way he always does. “I am the man and I am the woman, I shall break free tomorrow”.
El Otro: “My jokes today may not have worked, but who the hell really cares? “I got to see a fabulous concert and spend the last day and hours of freedom with some of my best friends.
Randomness 1: Love, Love, Love, What more can I say? “Actually, the morning journey around the whole of Delhi helped me see a part of Delhi I had never even set foot in before.” Thanks guys!
Randomness 2: I am going to kill you all for this! “Arrgh, you people are going to have to be reported. Beware!”
Randomness 3 & 4: Had awesome fun and wouldn't mind doing this again.
Los Otros: Changed clothes twice in a day, saw a concert and did some shit I wouldn't have done before (Will be revealed in Part II). “We all enjoyed ourselves and the things we did were fun and outrageous but who the hell gives a damn? It is out life, let us enjoy it ourselves. Also, to get revenge on the Randomness was just the best thing one could have asked for”. Thanks and we love you all!
Part I – was the story that was told to everyone. The last day of freedom and all. A day that shall not be forgotten. Part I was the clean and censored part. It was the part which all people who want to can enjoy.
Part II – Now, there was an inside story also to this day. Lots of things happened which are not included in Part I for various reasons. Part II will be carrying the uncensored part and the rest of the story which may be a little out of hand.
So soak up the sun, enjoy the first part of the story and await the upcoming Part II of the story.
Thanks everyone for celebrating the wonderful day with me.
--- --- --- ---
And Wow. That just blew me away. Next time I'll get a monkey.
The following is by my friend who is considered to be one of the smartest kids in the batch (even the school, probably). But trust me, he is not. He is an idiot, like you and I. But the only difference is; he SOUNDS smart. His voice has that arrogance and tone which commands intellect (even I don't know what this is supposed to mean, I just like the way it sounds!). And its not a bad thing, it will help him get far in life and that is also one of he reasons I like this man (also I see through all his bullshit...). His request was that his name should not be revealed so I won't. (there, I didn't reveal you name Kirat Singh...)
A Tribute to Cynicism.
(My friend has this habit of calling me a cynic, so I think I'll give him some cynicism today)
It's fourteenth February. It's Valentine's Day.
I don't care.
The sun still rose in the morning. And guess what? It still rose in the east. The sun will set this evening. It will set in the west. My guarantee.
The cows in my lane will continue to emit, if you know what I mean, methane and continue to shroud the lane with that nauseating bovine smell. It's the day of love.
Chickens and goats will be slaughtered by the hundreds, no, by the thousands to feed the countless Valentine buffets all over the city. It is the day of love.
My seemingly unendingly futile search for a math tutor will continue. In a very serious tone one of them will tell me, 'I'm fully booked but I can come at 5.30 am and 11.46 pm, but only on weekends.' It's the day of love.
While going for a game of Saturday tennis I will still get stuck in a retarded traffic jam just outside my house. People will still look exasperated. Someone in my vicinity will make a comment about improper planning and a corrupt bureaucracy. We Delhiites are very fond of blaming our troubles on 'them.' 'They' will continue to bear the blame for the troubles we will face today. 'They' can't even remove these stinking cows. It's the day of love.
Israel and Gaza had agreed upon a crude ceasefire.
I just read that the Israeli Navy and the Israeli Air force is shelling the Gaza Strip. Innocent civilians, innocent children will die today. It is the day of love.
Two men have been arrested in Australia for starting some of the bushfires that have killed nearly 200 people. There are people in this world who would purposely ignite large tracts of forest to kill, to maim and to destroy. This is the human race, the one that celebrates, so vociferously, the day of love.
It is Valentine's Day, it is the day of love.
Touche.
--- --- --- ---
And Wow. That just blew. Mr. Anonymous, you really are cynical.
Now, this post is by a man, to whom I have no objections saying 'Go fuck yourself'. This man has known me since I was just an amateur retard. This article is by Marcus Aaron T***** Norbula.
Douchebags piss me off!
There's a reason why I illegally download all my movies,i mean uh... wait for them to release on Dvd and then buy them legally on itunes. The whole movie watching experience is just ruined for me. And you know this blog isn't about the people who should shut the fuck up at the movie theater (THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER BLOG), I'm talking about the stupid fucks that come out from a kung-fu movie and think they can fight.
You know how it is,there are always these one or two douchebags that come out of a movie theater just punching and kicking in the air and they're just saying to themselves "Man I wish someone would challenge me to a fight right now" YOU FUCKING IDIOT! Why do you think you can fight? Yeah because 10yrs of martial arts training is equal to sitting on your ass for an hour and a half, eating a fucking tub of popcorn and watching Jackie Chan flip over shit!
Don't do..no you know what; do it! Yeah if you guys ever feel like doing that come out and challenge me to a fight,And then when that happens you're gonna wake up in a Hospital with your head bleeding,wondering; WHERE THE FUCK IS MY IPOD???
And while were talking about Ipods,let me just make a whole another Tangent(yeah me knows big words), If I hear another Douchebag sitting on the bus listening to his Ipod and Singing to it loudly I'm gonna STAB A HOE!!
And if you're a good singer FINE,And if you're a bad singer and you know it DON'T SING ON THE FUCKING BUS!!! And if you're a Bad singer and you don't know it sing right now I'll wait.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
.....................................................................................................WOW, YOU'RE A BAD FUCKING SINGER!!!, And you know what, I'm a Bad singer I have no control about my pitch or my key or any of those other fucking musical term I don't get, THATS WHY I DONT SING IN FUCKING PUBLIC!!!
- Sing at home
- Sing in your shower
- If your a HOT girl with the age of eighteen, Sing and Dance around your room,RECORD IT and SEND IT TO ME........So I can appreciate your technique..........through Masturbation...
Just because you're listening to Mariah Carey,Doesn't mean you sound like FUCKING MARIAH CAREY!!!
YOU CANT HEAR YOURSELF!!!!!! EVERYONE AROUND YOU CAN FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!
So do me, you and that creepy guy sitting in the back of the bus with his hands down his pants a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
And if I tell you this please don't Fucking say "The constitution gave me the right to freedom of speech" YES it does ,But it doesn't give you the right TO SOUND LIKE FUCKING HELEN KELLER (Lets see who got that joke)
If I'm coming off as angry, don't worry I'm not, I'm just saying what everyone's thinking...Because really no one wants to hear you sing when you sound like Chewbacca with a dick in his mouth
Marcus A. T. Norbula
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"Chewbacca with a dick in his mouth", need I say more?
NO.
There you have it. four articles by four dumbasses. And I thought I was stupid. Jeez. And what the fuck does “nejhloupější nejchytřejší osoba” mean anyway? Damn man... and I thought this would be good... It turned out amazingly well. This, my friends, is my first plan that actually worked (sort of). And I would like to thank them four, they have out done themselves (not really, but I hear people say that all the time so...). Do visit their blogs. It is much better than this, trust m... oh, who am I kidding. Even my mother doesn't trust me! This has been the most fun I have had since last Wednesday.
I promised I would reveal my lady-love's name. But when I thought about it, I realized that I didn't have the balls to and also I was torn between three girls and two guys... its really hard to decide!
Anyway, I shall wind it up now. I hope you enjoyed it. And my final thought for tonight is; may you never have to read this shit again.
Happy Valentines day.
Blog details;
The B.H.A.L.L.A.;
http:// www.sahilbhalla.com/
This is Mr. Anonymous' blog link;
http://www.kirat92.blogspot.com/
And here is Firdaus';
http://firdaus1992.blogspot.com
And Marcus doesn't have one, because he has a life!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Post No. 11: Whores. And more...
Manage this,
13th February, just a day before valentines day. So, to make tomorrow special I am going to reveal who I like. And by 'like', I mean 'want to go out with'. Because I like everyone in general (except that kid across the mirror, ugly f*ck!).
I'll make this short, because possibly tomorrow's post will be bigger, longer and way more insulting. So I recommend PG, kids.
Tomorrow, apparently, is the day of love. And that is screwed up. Why only one day for love, same goes for friendship day, why only one day? And why f*cking bracelets? Sure, you call them 'bands', they are still f*cking bracelets... some times I feel like the society, in general, is getting dumber as the world is moving forward thanks to a very few sensible leaders. F*ck man, bracelets!
I don't like to fight, it does not mean I am a wuss (it just means that I am a weak little girl). I liked the whole Gandhi theory of non-violence. Violence begets violence. He joined the fight for freedom after the congress and the revolutionaries, but he still had a bigger following than either of the groups. What does that tell us about people? It tells us that man prefers to live in peace than in constant struggle or in midst of constant blood shed and red does not go with all dhotis (also people are a bunch of pussies(and not the good kind)...).
Anyway, I am done for now. Keep an eye out for the 14th. It will be done soon.
Chimichanga (hey Firdaus!)
13th February, just a day before valentines day. So, to make tomorrow special I am going to reveal who I like. And by 'like', I mean 'want to go out with'. Because I like everyone in general (except that kid across the mirror, ugly f*ck!).
I'll make this short, because possibly tomorrow's post will be bigger, longer and way more insulting. So I recommend PG, kids.
Tomorrow, apparently, is the day of love. And that is screwed up. Why only one day for love, same goes for friendship day, why only one day? And why f*cking bracelets? Sure, you call them 'bands', they are still f*cking bracelets... some times I feel like the society, in general, is getting dumber as the world is moving forward thanks to a very few sensible leaders. F*ck man, bracelets!
I don't like to fight, it does not mean I am a wuss (it just means that I am a weak little girl). I liked the whole Gandhi theory of non-violence. Violence begets violence. He joined the fight for freedom after the congress and the revolutionaries, but he still had a bigger following than either of the groups. What does that tell us about people? It tells us that man prefers to live in peace than in constant struggle or in midst of constant blood shed and red does not go with all dhotis (also people are a bunch of pussies(and not the good kind)...).
Anyway, I am done for now. Keep an eye out for the 14th. It will be done soon.
Chimichanga (hey Firdaus!)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Post No. 10: Love me...
Heidi-Ho Assholes,
I am eagerly waiting for the 14th of February. Mainly for two reasons: one, some girl might grow a pair and ask me out (But if she does grow a pair, I might decline her request... ), but thats just me being horny. Two, my Valentines Day Post. I haven't started it yet, but it will be awesome. It might be in two parts, one posted in the morning the other in the evening. And I am going to be a massive dick. Till now I have taken pot-shots at my friends and a silly pope-quip here and there, but now I am going to rip everyone apart.
Or not. It might be me just being a dick in general. Nothing too rude and too funny (I don't want to spoil my readers with funny content). I say things that I don't mean. A lot.
At home, I have seventeen-eighteen grand stored up. In cash. I don't trust banks. So I was thinking I would pay a girl to like me, but I recently found out they are called prostitutes. And its on an hourly basis. There goes that plan. Plus none of the girls I like are slutty or have father issues. Which is abundant in The US of Assholes but not in India. But I also ask myself; how many guys come up to them(the girls I like) and tell them they totally wanna do them? None, I am guessing. So, if I ask them out I'll get either of the two responses; they might say no (and I'll be an idiot forever, and even without asking someone out, I am pretty close to that situation) or they might be flattered and , possibly, impressed with my confidence, but then they look at me and say no.
Or have pity on me and my sad, insignificant existence and go out with me!
Even though I am grateful to anyone and everyone who talks to me (I mean, come on, who wants to talk to me?), but sometimes people just piss me off. Women in particular. And I am not saying that just because I am a sexist.
I like women. More than men. But I hate skinny women. Most women actors are unnecessarily skinny. I'll tell you what happens when they are too skinny; no big boobs. Very few women are gifted with naturally big breasts and a slender figure but for most, there breast size goes down with their waist size. And this doesn't mean I like fat women (not that there is anything wrong with them) I just don't like extremely skinny women. I like “just slim enough”.
I say, screw size zero.
I am going to bed now. And I'll see you guys (or guy, hey Firdaus) on the 14th.
Hiedi-Ho Assholes.
I am eagerly waiting for the 14th of February. Mainly for two reasons: one, some girl might grow a pair and ask me out (But if she does grow a pair, I might decline her request... ), but thats just me being horny. Two, my Valentines Day Post. I haven't started it yet, but it will be awesome. It might be in two parts, one posted in the morning the other in the evening. And I am going to be a massive dick. Till now I have taken pot-shots at my friends and a silly pope-quip here and there, but now I am going to rip everyone apart.
Or not. It might be me just being a dick in general. Nothing too rude and too funny (I don't want to spoil my readers with funny content). I say things that I don't mean. A lot.
At home, I have seventeen-eighteen grand stored up. In cash. I don't trust banks. So I was thinking I would pay a girl to like me, but I recently found out they are called prostitutes. And its on an hourly basis. There goes that plan. Plus none of the girls I like are slutty or have father issues. Which is abundant in The US of Assholes but not in India. But I also ask myself; how many guys come up to them(the girls I like) and tell them they totally wanna do them? None, I am guessing. So, if I ask them out I'll get either of the two responses; they might say no (and I'll be an idiot forever, and even without asking someone out, I am pretty close to that situation) or they might be flattered and , possibly, impressed with my confidence, but then they look at me and say no.
Or have pity on me and my sad, insignificant existence and go out with me!
Even though I am grateful to anyone and everyone who talks to me (I mean, come on, who wants to talk to me?), but sometimes people just piss me off. Women in particular. And I am not saying that just because I am a sexist.
I like women. More than men. But I hate skinny women. Most women actors are unnecessarily skinny. I'll tell you what happens when they are too skinny; no big boobs. Very few women are gifted with naturally big breasts and a slender figure but for most, there breast size goes down with their waist size. And this doesn't mean I like fat women (not that there is anything wrong with them) I just don't like extremely skinny women. I like “just slim enough”.
I say, screw size zero.
I am going to bed now. And I'll see you guys (or guy, hey Firdaus) on the 14th.
Hiedi-Ho Assholes.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Post No. 9: About sex...
Chimichanga assh*les,
The following is my 'About Me' from my facebook account. Today i found out i might have to change it and make it all decent like for people from California, yeah, there.
I have had a million 'About me's but i like this one the best, its short and sweet and leaves no doubts in peoples mind about who i am.
SO, Here is the 'About Me':
I am a very nice person, even if it is completely opposite of what my friends and family say or that dog i maimed for sick pleasure...
Oh, erm... did i say 'maim', i wanted to say PET, and actually for regular pleasure... not weird sick pleasure, or i would maim a dog like the one i mentioned above...
That reminds me... Do you guys have dogs?...
I need to umm, pet it...
Do comment on it... or don't. And if you do; GET A LIFE!! what are you doing on my blog, hang out with your parents or your dog (just in case) or even the homeless kid on the street... its better than reading about a guy so sick, so demented, so perverted, so full of it, so...
Anyway, this was a fun rant... i'll see you again on the funny-if-he-were-dead pages...
The following is my 'About Me' from my facebook account. Today i found out i might have to change it and make it all decent like for people from California, yeah, there.
I have had a million 'About me's but i like this one the best, its short and sweet and leaves no doubts in peoples mind about who i am.
SO, Here is the 'About Me':
I am a very nice person, even if it is completely opposite of what my friends and family say or that dog i maimed for sick pleasure...
Oh, erm... did i say 'maim', i wanted to say PET, and actually for regular pleasure... not weird sick pleasure, or i would maim a dog like the one i mentioned above...
That reminds me... Do you guys have dogs?...
I need to umm, pet it...
Do comment on it... or don't. And if you do; GET A LIFE!! what are you doing on my blog, hang out with your parents or your dog (just in case) or even the homeless kid on the street... its better than reading about a guy so sick, so demented, so perverted, so full of it, so...
Anyway, this was a fun rant... i'll see you again on the funny-if-he-were-dead pages...
Monday, February 9, 2009
Post No. 8: Oh crap! I ran over your son again!
Hello ladies,
I liked today. It was massive fun. The cast of this post is as follows (All names have been changed, for safety purposes): Me (you shall never know my real name, hahaha...), The B.H.A.L.L.A., Nick (remember the guy who broke his hand running backwards in a race?), Firdaus (Definitely a fake name...) and introducing Kirat.
I woke up at 8 in the morning, it was a gay morning. Fast forward to about an hour and half later, Me, my father and the driver-guy were looking for the resting place of the entity only known as The B.H.A.L.L.A. We were lost. We called this humanoid element and asked him for his damned address but the jack-hole doesn't know how to get us to his house from that particular point. Later we found out that we were only a couple of kilometers away from his house and another major discovery made this day was that The B.H.A.L.L.A. is a flaming idiot! F#ck man! Soon, me, The B.H.A.L.L.A (i hate typing his goddamn name!) and the new cast member, Kirat headed to Priya.
Anyway, after that something funny happened which would have you poor, bored readers laughing until you bled and died. But because of a request The B.H.A.L.L.A. made, i won't even mention it. And I could have traded the fulfillment of this request for the name of the girl he liked, but i am not petty and insensiti... but i am not petty.
After much dance and drama, we reached our desired destination. A small township known as Priya. We, first, headed straight to a food stand and had food. Where a homeless girl started bugging me. I am insensitive, sure, but i felt bad. I couldn't just eat while she looked on, so i stabbed her eyes out. Moving on, we headed to a gaming port. There we played a game called Warcarft (Actually we played AoE II, but warcraft sounds cooler considering that international audiences might be reading this. But we know nobody is reading this except for you sorry bugger...)
The first game i lost. Then we were joined by Firdaus (i know what you are thinking, is he a guy or a girl??... its a 'he'). We played another round. I lost. Again. Nothing to it. I have been doing it all my life. After the second game, we were hungry so we moved to a local eatery (does it mean what i think it means?. We ordered our food and then, my screwy rats, the funniest event of the day took place.
Nick was heading over to Priya, he was late. While we sat in Yo China, he messaged me that he was 5 minutes away. I said fine. Then he called soon, as we were not found in the Game port, and Firdaus took over. We first told the rat-bastard that we were in Saket, a place far away from Priya but then we said we were kidding, and we were in Priya, a place called 'Near East'. Again, we were not there. He called again, after making s believable excuse we told him we were in Subway and then he sopped believing us. And then we told him we were in Yo China and he didn't believe us! That was funny. As all hell!
Nick is a nice guy. I like him (not sexually). Post lunch, we went started the third game of AoE II. Out of the five of us, Firdaus and Kirat (and Nick, but Firdaus and Firdaus were obviously underestimating me and The B.H.A.L.L.A and Nick too, but not so much). They say Over-confidence is man's worst enemy (I don't know who sais it, but boy, were they right...).
We (me, Nick and The B.H.A.L.L.A) were on one team. The underdogs according to Kirat and Firdaus, who were on one team. Throughout the first half they were giggling and planning this awesome attack. Jack-holes, the both of them. By the time they reached my island (oh yes, the idiots chose an island terrain to take me on..,) half of Firdaus' fleet was destroyed and well then we mostly raped their happiness. And man, was it good. Nick proved himself. he really did. But he had the advantage of time and people not trying to destroy his base constantly. If i didn't need to go to a Chinese cobbler, we would've won.
Yes, a chinese cobbler. My dad told me something yesterday that i couldn't believe. He had actually owned something made by a china-man which lasted more than six months! Shoes! Of all the things, shoes! I got my self a pair. Nice, sober ones. My dad got two. Real leather and other stuff i don't get, but it was good stuff.
Today was fun. OH, on the way back, i rememebred i hadn't done my art homework. I had to submit three still-life line drawings. I thought i was going to be up the whole night doing them, but i remembered i had five extra line drawings i hadn't shown her! Now this post has gone from funny-if-he-was-white-and-gay to just sad ranting, so i'll stop.
Bye-bye ding-dong. I like girls!
I liked today. It was massive fun. The cast of this post is as follows (All names have been changed, for safety purposes): Me (you shall never know my real name, hahaha...), The B.H.A.L.L.A., Nick (remember the guy who broke his hand running backwards in a race?), Firdaus (Definitely a fake name...) and introducing Kirat.
I woke up at 8 in the morning, it was a gay morning. Fast forward to about an hour and half later, Me, my father and the driver-guy were looking for the resting place of the entity only known as The B.H.A.L.L.A. We were lost. We called this humanoid element and asked him for his damned address but the jack-hole doesn't know how to get us to his house from that particular point. Later we found out that we were only a couple of kilometers away from his house and another major discovery made this day was that The B.H.A.L.L.A. is a flaming idiot! F#ck man! Soon, me, The B.H.A.L.L.A (i hate typing his goddamn name!) and the new cast member, Kirat headed to Priya.
Anyway, after that something funny happened which would have you poor, bored readers laughing until you bled and died. But because of a request The B.H.A.L.L.A. made, i won't even mention it. And I could have traded the fulfillment of this request for the name of the girl he liked, but i am not petty and insensiti... but i am not petty.
After much dance and drama, we reached our desired destination. A small township known as Priya. We, first, headed straight to a food stand and had food. Where a homeless girl started bugging me. I am insensitive, sure, but i felt bad. I couldn't just eat while she looked on, so i stabbed her eyes out. Moving on, we headed to a gaming port. There we played a game called Warcarft (Actually we played AoE II, but warcraft sounds cooler considering that international audiences might be reading this. But we know nobody is reading this except for you sorry bugger...)
The first game i lost. Then we were joined by Firdaus (i know what you are thinking, is he a guy or a girl??... its a 'he'). We played another round. I lost. Again. Nothing to it. I have been doing it all my life. After the second game, we were hungry so we moved to a local eatery (does it mean what i think it means?. We ordered our food and then, my screwy rats, the funniest event of the day took place.
Nick was heading over to Priya, he was late. While we sat in Yo China, he messaged me that he was 5 minutes away. I said fine. Then he called soon, as we were not found in the Game port, and Firdaus took over. We first told the rat-bastard that we were in Saket, a place far away from Priya but then we said we were kidding, and we were in Priya, a place called 'Near East'. Again, we were not there. He called again, after making s believable excuse we told him we were in Subway and then he sopped believing us. And then we told him we were in Yo China and he didn't believe us! That was funny. As all hell!
Nick is a nice guy. I like him (not sexually). Post lunch, we went started the third game of AoE II. Out of the five of us, Firdaus and Kirat (and Nick, but Firdaus and Firdaus were obviously underestimating me and The B.H.A.L.L.A and Nick too, but not so much). They say Over-confidence is man's worst enemy (I don't know who sais it, but boy, were they right...).
We (me, Nick and The B.H.A.L.L.A) were on one team. The underdogs according to Kirat and Firdaus, who were on one team. Throughout the first half they were giggling and planning this awesome attack. Jack-holes, the both of them. By the time they reached my island (oh yes, the idiots chose an island terrain to take me on..,) half of Firdaus' fleet was destroyed and well then we mostly raped their happiness. And man, was it good. Nick proved himself. he really did. But he had the advantage of time and people not trying to destroy his base constantly. If i didn't need to go to a Chinese cobbler, we would've won.
Yes, a chinese cobbler. My dad told me something yesterday that i couldn't believe. He had actually owned something made by a china-man which lasted more than six months! Shoes! Of all the things, shoes! I got my self a pair. Nice, sober ones. My dad got two. Real leather and other stuff i don't get, but it was good stuff.
Today was fun. OH, on the way back, i rememebred i hadn't done my art homework. I had to submit three still-life line drawings. I thought i was going to be up the whole night doing them, but i remembered i had five extra line drawings i hadn't shown her! Now this post has gone from funny-if-he-was-white-and-gay to just sad ranting, so i'll stop.
Bye-bye ding-dong. I like girls!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Post No. 7: I like to number my posts!
Daily Updates on my crappy, crappy life. (Its actually really fun!)
So, two days ago we had a thing called the Graduation Dinner. We (Namely; me, the two idiot followers that this blog has( Tara and Firdaus(name changed)), Kirat, Radhika, Desna, Urvashi and other people who kept coming and going) worked really hard for this. And all the names in the brackets are not real. Well, two of them almost died of stress. Both women. Both freakishly scary. I honestly didn't do much, but I was exhausted by the end of it.
So, came the dinner that evening. Pretty decent, they made fun of people. And yes, the pope was there, but we just gave him a corner and a little boy.
Food was good enough. I had to share my food with this girl I know. Bitch asked me to get food for myself, herself and this other bitch. At the end of it all, I had to finish a big pile of food, which in all honesty I can. I am fat. Don't judge me asshole.
Anyway, after the whole thing, we went to the Conti. A conti is a party which continues on after the dinner, thus the name 'CONTInuation' party inclusive of underage, binge drinking, loud music, sluts grinding with horny twelfth graders, cheap food, a smell which resembles a scent produced by cigarette and cigar smoke, urine and Rati ma'am (you don't know her, screw it). Well, I was mostly going there because all of my friends were going (except Kirat (name changed) the rat-fagot) and also because I thought I might get some from some drunk chick. BUT there was NO BOOZE. That didn't bother me, I don't drink or smoke. But I was still disappointed; no drunk women.
Moving on, the party was on a pretty big lawn-ground type thing. Only half of it was being utilized, therefore it looked empty and boring. And it was, boring I mean. And cold. Most women had worn pretty... um, I cant really put this nicely, now can I... um, they were wearing clothes which only covered the important parts, the fun parts. Most of them, at least. Some were decently dressed, while I respect that, I wish I could see more. Any boy would. Hopefully.
Some women looked like they had just jumped out of a giant cake, but without the bunny ears. Half of them were busy pulling their strapless outfits above their hoo-haas. Then began the music, then the provocative dancing by the afore mentioned sluts (boy, if anybody from my school reads this... oh, screw them!) and then entered the twelfthies and then the grinding. But the seniors were disappointed, as I said before; no booze. So the geniuses snuck (I just found out; this is not a word) it in.
First they stored it behind the DJ. Yeah, that is smart. But then some smart idoit thought of storing it in the far, unoccupied corner, where most of them flocked around the vodka or whetever shit they were drinking. Whores.
But this wasn't all, now comes the part where I lost 500 bucks. F#ck! The cops came. We had to bribe the buggers. Priyanka (name changed) came to the table where I was sitting along with The B.H.A.L.L.A, Nick and others. She asked for money and for some reason I didn't understand completely thn, I just reached out into my wallet and handed her the five-C note. F#ck! But, then I thought about it. And realized, I am not rich, I am giver. F#ck you!
I left an hour after the cops. The day sucked ass. The dinner was not worth the effort I and the others (I know it should be others and I but screw you) put into it. The conti wasn't worth my money. F#ck!
Anyway, I'll see you when am passing out 500 bills to anyone who asks me for it.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Post No. 6: The horny devil...
Hello again,
As you can see, i have TWO followers now (idiots) and i am truly grateful for their support.
Well, i don't know what to talk about... i have covered most topics that run through my head. And yes, i am as stupid as i sound. And i am not a thinker, a leader or gay. I am a neanderthal follower who likes women. And i flirt. A lot. And i don't know i am flirting when i am but i am! Its weird. And so i ask you this question, WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?
Most of you jack-holes will say yes. But i don't. Because then people just assume you have a lot of money to spare and share (that rhymed... i am going to treat myself to a banana now...). But people don't want to share money, food and sex. I don't know why others don't get that. Sure, if you ask me to share my food or give you a small bite (which is actually three times your regular bite) i can't say no. I am a nice guy. Lazy, insensitive and stupid. But nice.
I am a man of principles. I don't look or sound like it but i am. Here are a few,
1 All for one, one for all: Never leave a friend behind. Friends are rare, grand and unbelievably retarded, but they are your friends. You look out for your people.
2 Women are to be respected (especially the ones you like and when you are with them. you can bitch about the one you don't like behind their backs. But again, i don't do that.) and never let a woman do anything that requires her to... work: The last part is a little screwy. Like this one time i was being sexist on front of a woman (never do that) (and yes, i am sexist and racist), she was carrying two pizza boxes and a box of chocolate piled on top. I asked her to give me the boxes and i added "women aren't suppose to carry stuff". She thought i was being sexist, but this time i wasn't. I honestly wanted to help her because believe in chivalry (sometimes i doubt the existence of this word).
There are a couple more but these are the more important ones. Oh, there is one more:
3 Always respect your parents: I don't care if their opinions or orders or other stuff is pissing me off or annoying me. Respect them anyway. Don't fuck around. They are right, even if thy do act a little harsh. But they are your parents and respect them.
Wow, that was slightly serious. Therefore i shall talk about the 12th grad-dinner. Its about a bunch of people eating dinner.
Anyway, i heard this joke today:
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Hahahah... funny...
I suck at this, but this is fun.
Anyway, i shall see you jolly wankers later.
As you can see, i have TWO followers now (idiots) and i am truly grateful for their support.
Well, i don't know what to talk about... i have covered most topics that run through my head. And yes, i am as stupid as i sound. And i am not a thinker, a leader or gay. I am a neanderthal follower who likes women. And i flirt. A lot. And i don't know i am flirting when i am but i am! Its weird. And so i ask you this question, WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?
Most of you jack-holes will say yes. But i don't. Because then people just assume you have a lot of money to spare and share (that rhymed... i am going to treat myself to a banana now...). But people don't want to share money, food and sex. I don't know why others don't get that. Sure, if you ask me to share my food or give you a small bite (which is actually three times your regular bite) i can't say no. I am a nice guy. Lazy, insensitive and stupid. But nice.
I am a man of principles. I don't look or sound like it but i am. Here are a few,
1 All for one, one for all: Never leave a friend behind. Friends are rare, grand and unbelievably retarded, but they are your friends. You look out for your people.
2 Women are to be respected (especially the ones you like and when you are with them. you can bitch about the one you don't like behind their backs. But again, i don't do that.) and never let a woman do anything that requires her to... work: The last part is a little screwy. Like this one time i was being sexist on front of a woman (never do that) (and yes, i am sexist and racist), she was carrying two pizza boxes and a box of chocolate piled on top. I asked her to give me the boxes and i added "women aren't suppose to carry stuff". She thought i was being sexist, but this time i wasn't. I honestly wanted to help her because believe in chivalry (sometimes i doubt the existence of this word).
There are a couple more but these are the more important ones. Oh, there is one more:
3 Always respect your parents: I don't care if their opinions or orders or other stuff is pissing me off or annoying me. Respect them anyway. Don't fuck around. They are right, even if thy do act a little harsh. But they are your parents and respect them.
Wow, that was slightly serious. Therefore i shall talk about the 12th grad-dinner. Its about a bunch of people eating dinner.
Anyway, i heard this joke today:
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Hahahah... funny...
I suck at this, but this is fun.
Anyway, i shall see you jolly wankers later.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Post No. 5: Am i gay?
Hello idiots and monkeys,
I am the man. Also i might be gay. Someone pointed out that the background of my blog is, erm, for the lack of a better word, pink. I hate pink. I think pink is gay if a guy is, in any way, using the colour or wearing it. pink looks nice on women and even names relating to the colour are nice.
And what the hell is up with Americans and U. LISTEN UP YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTS: COLOUR IS SPELLED LIKE "COLOUR" AND NOT FUCKING "COLOR" YOU MONKEY HUMPING RETARDS!!
Ahem, sorry about that... it is just pissing off. I know, i am British. Not really.
So, i was talking to my friend, lets call him 'Firdaus'. Its a name hard to pronounce (not really) and weird. So it can't possibly be a real name.
Anyway, my friend told me about this massive monster destroying this not so massive fat lady. And i said to firdaus 'you are an idiot, firdaus, if that is your real name.'
I am generally very suspicious. And firdaus isn't really an idiot. He is smart. But he became a follower of this blog. So i am honestly losing faith in my judgment of judging people. Anyway, i am sleepy and this post is more of a ... um, ... yeah.
Goodnight, i am Mister Penis.
I am the man. Also i might be gay. Someone pointed out that the background of my blog is, erm, for the lack of a better word, pink. I hate pink. I think pink is gay if a guy is, in any way, using the colour or wearing it. pink looks nice on women and even names relating to the colour are nice.
And what the hell is up with Americans and U. LISTEN UP YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKING IDIOTS: COLOUR IS SPELLED LIKE "COLOUR" AND NOT FUCKING "COLOR" YOU MONKEY HUMPING RETARDS!!
Ahem, sorry about that... it is just pissing off. I know, i am British. Not really.
So, i was talking to my friend, lets call him 'Firdaus'. Its a name hard to pronounce (not really) and weird. So it can't possibly be a real name.
Anyway, my friend told me about this massive monster destroying this not so massive fat lady. And i said to firdaus 'you are an idiot, firdaus, if that is your real name.'
I am generally very suspicious. And firdaus isn't really an idiot. He is smart. But he became a follower of this blog. So i am honestly losing faith in my judgment of judging people. Anyway, i am sleepy and this post is more of a ... um, ... yeah.
Goodnight, i am Mister Penis.
Post No. 4: Drunks and drinkers.
Hello you idiot junkies,
The blog is not doing that well... that is not all bad, i can do and say whatever i want. But i still wish more people would join me in my quest to rid this world of dicks. And i don't mean male genitalia.
Anyway, i shall now discuss drunks. They suck. See, most people drink and smoke and do drugs for three simple reasons and these three reasons can be dealt with. I will teach you.
Firstly, lets just jot out the reasons.
A) They think their life sucks. For example, they are having problems in their relationships, they think their parents don't get them (you can translate this into whatever you want; they don't trust you, too strict with you, touching you inappropriately etc.) and so on.
B) They are wannabes. They don't know it. But it is true. If a drinker, druggie or smoker is reading this, ask yourself; Why do do this? Other than it makes you feel good and etc., ask yourself; why?
C) Peer pressure.
Lets get on with the solutions now.
A) If you think your life sucks, you are stupid. What happened, your girl/ boyfriend think you are a douching bag? Your parents cramping your style? Well, GROW A PAIR! See, boyfriends and girlfriends come and go (unless they are on a wheelchair and they don't have arms, then you have to push them) and your parents, they are the reason you are here. I know its not a pretty picture, but whatever little happiness you have in your life is because your father was too lazy to run to the chemist and get some rubber or your mother misplaced her pills and didn't bother about them for the next 72 hours. You need to stop cribbing and grow a set of balls and women can just become braver on account of them not being able to grow a pair and if you can and you do, go to the doctor right-fucking-now!
Life is about these little sadnesses (not a real word, by the way). You need to understand these things will happen throughout your life. And after a certain point in your life, you won't be able to run to drugs and alcohol. You might have responsibility, a family. So prepare now, and face up and cover your balls. And get ready for one mighty punch from life. And if you have EVER talked to your parents rudely or done anything to hurt them (even if you were intoxicated) go apologize. You owe them more than your stinking life, and everything you own (which in reality is owned by them and you have it because of them)
Anyway, on to B.
B) So, Have you asked yourself why. Is it because you wanted to fit in. Even though you believe that you are too old to be influenced by people you idolize, but you are never too old for that. I know, i am 97.
See, being a wannabe isn't anything bad. Everybody is a wannabe. Don't you want to be somewhere or maybe, in someones shoes? You might say no to the latter, but at some point, everybody wants to be someone! I know, i am 97.
So, get over yourself, or whoever you want to be like. Just say no.
And C is the same. And in all honesty i am bored now and don't feel like discussing this, so i am just gonna smoke up and mellow out. Right then. Stay in school and say no to drugs. Stay above the influence and you can. I know, i am 97.
A 97-year-old.
The blog is not doing that well... that is not all bad, i can do and say whatever i want. But i still wish more people would join me in my quest to rid this world of dicks. And i don't mean male genitalia.
Anyway, i shall now discuss drunks. They suck. See, most people drink and smoke and do drugs for three simple reasons and these three reasons can be dealt with. I will teach you.
Firstly, lets just jot out the reasons.
A) They think their life sucks. For example, they are having problems in their relationships, they think their parents don't get them (you can translate this into whatever you want; they don't trust you, too strict with you, touching you inappropriately etc.) and so on.
B) They are wannabes. They don't know it. But it is true. If a drinker, druggie or smoker is reading this, ask yourself; Why do do this? Other than it makes you feel good and etc., ask yourself; why?
C) Peer pressure.
Lets get on with the solutions now.
A) If you think your life sucks, you are stupid. What happened, your girl/ boyfriend think you are a douching bag? Your parents cramping your style? Well, GROW A PAIR! See, boyfriends and girlfriends come and go (unless they are on a wheelchair and they don't have arms, then you have to push them) and your parents, they are the reason you are here. I know its not a pretty picture, but whatever little happiness you have in your life is because your father was too lazy to run to the chemist and get some rubber or your mother misplaced her pills and didn't bother about them for the next 72 hours. You need to stop cribbing and grow a set of balls and women can just become braver on account of them not being able to grow a pair and if you can and you do, go to the doctor right-fucking-now!
Life is about these little sadnesses (not a real word, by the way). You need to understand these things will happen throughout your life. And after a certain point in your life, you won't be able to run to drugs and alcohol. You might have responsibility, a family. So prepare now, and face up and cover your balls. And get ready for one mighty punch from life. And if you have EVER talked to your parents rudely or done anything to hurt them (even if you were intoxicated) go apologize. You owe them more than your stinking life, and everything you own (which in reality is owned by them and you have it because of them)
Anyway, on to B.
B) So, Have you asked yourself why. Is it because you wanted to fit in. Even though you believe that you are too old to be influenced by people you idolize, but you are never too old for that. I know, i am 97.
See, being a wannabe isn't anything bad. Everybody is a wannabe. Don't you want to be somewhere or maybe, in someones shoes? You might say no to the latter, but at some point, everybody wants to be someone! I know, i am 97.
So, get over yourself, or whoever you want to be like. Just say no.
And C is the same. And in all honesty i am bored now and don't feel like discussing this, so i am just gonna smoke up and mellow out. Right then. Stay in school and say no to drugs. Stay above the influence and you can. I know, i am 97.
A 97-year-old.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Post No. 3: SNIKT!
Nobody's on our side,
Anybody following the NOIR series that Marvel Comics has recently released. Currently, there have been two issues of X-Men NOIR and Spider-Man NOIR. And very soon these titles will be joined by Wolverine's solo NOIR book and Daredevil belongs in the NOIR-esque titles. And i believe so does the Punisher. And yes, if you haven't noticed, i love comic books. I believe the finest way of telling a story is through a comic book.
I hate it that people think that comic books are for children, well, they suck. I am not going to justify comic books. I don't need to. I like the way i wrote 'noir' in all capitals. NOIR. And i like the way its pronounced; n-oo(like the used in look)-R. NOIR. NOIR. its just fun.
So, how have you been my wanking monkeys? Good, i hope. I have friends, i know it is hard to believe that someone would come with ten feet of me but hey, i am a charming SOB. Or people have pity on me. If it is the latter, i don't want to know.
So this friend of mine, again to keep his identity a secret i have decided a codename for him: The B.H.A.L.L.A. I don't know what it stands for yet, but I'll inform you very, very soon. But don't believe me, i make lot of false promises. Hell, my life is built on false promises.
Now, let me continue with the tale of The B.H.A.L.L.A.
It starts on a Sunny Wednesday morning. We had a test on Political science. Its like science, but stupid. Anyway, The B.H.A.L.L.A. approached me and in his deep, manly voice he asked for a sheet to write the test on. I was shaken by his gruff beard, his deep voice and his general hairiness. I was moved from within, i knew he was special. Gifted even. Later on, i asked him for an answer i did not know in a whisper. He replied. and i was shacked by the magic of his voice again.
Anyway long story short, i passed the test, The B.H.A.L.L.A. totally out-marked me and nothing gay happened, i was just trying to be dramatic. Life sucks anyway. Oh, who am i kidding, Life is kick ass. Sure i am the worst possible student. Penis. And my blog currently has had a total of zero views and i am still updating it for some odd reason, and then there is the whole issue with no girl liking me. But life kicks ass.
See what i did in the above paragraph, i stuck in a word you guys weren't expecting just to mess with you and my liking for penises. Again, I am not gay. Anyway, i am sleepy and need to get up late tomorrow on account of me having nothing to do!
Your mom's pimp
Anybody following the NOIR series that Marvel Comics has recently released. Currently, there have been two issues of X-Men NOIR and Spider-Man NOIR. And very soon these titles will be joined by Wolverine's solo NOIR book and Daredevil belongs in the NOIR-esque titles. And i believe so does the Punisher. And yes, if you haven't noticed, i love comic books. I believe the finest way of telling a story is through a comic book.
I hate it that people think that comic books are for children, well, they suck. I am not going to justify comic books. I don't need to. I like the way i wrote 'noir' in all capitals. NOIR. And i like the way its pronounced; n-oo(like the used in look)-R. NOIR. NOIR. its just fun.
So, how have you been my wanking monkeys? Good, i hope. I have friends, i know it is hard to believe that someone would come with ten feet of me but hey, i am a charming SOB. Or people have pity on me. If it is the latter, i don't want to know.
So this friend of mine, again to keep his identity a secret i have decided a codename for him: The B.H.A.L.L.A. I don't know what it stands for yet, but I'll inform you very, very soon. But don't believe me, i make lot of false promises. Hell, my life is built on false promises.
Now, let me continue with the tale of The B.H.A.L.L.A.
It starts on a Sunny Wednesday morning. We had a test on Political science. Its like science, but stupid. Anyway, The B.H.A.L.L.A. approached me and in his deep, manly voice he asked for a sheet to write the test on. I was shaken by his gruff beard, his deep voice and his general hairiness. I was moved from within, i knew he was special. Gifted even. Later on, i asked him for an answer i did not know in a whisper. He replied. and i was shacked by the magic of his voice again.
Anyway long story short, i passed the test, The B.H.A.L.L.A. totally out-marked me and nothing gay happened, i was just trying to be dramatic. Life sucks anyway. Oh, who am i kidding, Life is kick ass. Sure i am the worst possible student. Penis. And my blog currently has had a total of zero views and i am still updating it for some odd reason, and then there is the whole issue with no girl liking me. But life kicks ass.
See what i did in the above paragraph, i stuck in a word you guys weren't expecting just to mess with you and my liking for penises. Again, I am not gay. Anyway, i am sleepy and need to get up late tomorrow on account of me having nothing to do!
Your mom's pimp
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Post No. 2: Does this really help us score?
Hello fellow wankers,
Five minutes ago I was sitting in front of the television stuffing my face with raisins and they showed this advertisement where a guy scored with a girl because he had really nice underwear, and i do mean briefs. Which brings up oh-so many questions to the mind of a horny teenager, like; If i walk in front of a girl that i like, in those briefs, will i score? or maybe; What attracted the girl; the fellows rugged, square, handsome face or was it the six or eight pack abs that he was flaunting or the size of the package his briefs emphasized or was it the design of the underwear? (And how come they don't have a proper ad for womens briefs, let them come on TV topless, in their panties.)
Also, those darned toothpaste ads that we have to endure. There are generally two or three main characters. And there are generally two scenarios or layouts that these ads follow.
Scenario 1,
Something funny happens, and a girl starts laughing her ass off. Now there is a dorky looking guy standing beside her with really yellow teeth and that is why he laughing like a hyena, covering his mouth. No seriously like a hyena, literally. And the smoking hot girl gets disgusted by that, because a hyena-laugh isn't one of the most desirable traits in a man. But then the hot girls hears something. Oh, what do you know, its a handsome guy who laughs like monkey on a trampoline getting tickled by giraffe high on ridlin. So, again, here are a set of question to get you thinking.
Q1. Was she rally disgusted with the laugh, or she being a hot, nubile little girl in her early twenties, just didn't want to go around with a guy who looked like he just went through the lawn mower?
Q2. Was she attracted to the handsome guy because he was handsome or was it because he laughed for no F-ing reason whatsoever or was it because of his teeth?
They WANT us to believe that we can score if we use the toothpaste but we don't. I have been using the toothpaste for over a year. No effect. I mean there is also the fact that looking at me or my face is worse than stabbing yourself twice and then hammering nails down on your privates. That ought to give you a good, healthy image to keep you up for nights. If not, well done. If it wasn't for my somewhat charming personality, i would be stoned to death by the doctor who delivered me!
Anyway on to Scenario no. 2,
A hot girl or guy meets another hot girl or guy, and the second girl or guy smiles at the first girl or guy and the first girl or guy is smitten by the smile and the perfect teeth displayed by the second girl or guy. Sometimes there is a twist on this, the first girl or guy is a cop or is supposed to kick the second girl or guys ass, but again the first girl or guy gets a quickie in the corner because the second girl or guy smiled at the first girl or guy.
Now, for questions;
Q1. Again, the first girl or guy are smitten by the second girl or guy because they are, as mentioned above, hot or is it because of their freakishly perfect teeth OR is it because they use a toothpaste that makes their unnaturally perfect teeth white as Bill Clinton?
I also hate deodorant commercials, according to them, if we spray the deodorant of the brand they are selling we will be covered with girls or, recently, its chocolate and apparently girls dig chocolate and therefore they will dig the user. But you must have noticed, most girls were white, and it is a scientific fact that white girls are easier than a fifteen-year-old on hormones. But what i hate the most about the ad is that some guy is getting some because of the deo and i am stuffing my face with raisins. And i know its not real but still. The guy gets PAID for standing there while a bunch of half naked women do stuff to him.
Oh, i am too pissed of to continue... see you guys on the other side of hell...
Five minutes ago I was sitting in front of the television stuffing my face with raisins and they showed this advertisement where a guy scored with a girl because he had really nice underwear, and i do mean briefs. Which brings up oh-so many questions to the mind of a horny teenager, like; If i walk in front of a girl that i like, in those briefs, will i score? or maybe; What attracted the girl; the fellows rugged, square, handsome face or was it the six or eight pack abs that he was flaunting or the size of the package his briefs emphasized or was it the design of the underwear? (And how come they don't have a proper ad for womens briefs, let them come on TV topless, in their panties.)
Also, those darned toothpaste ads that we have to endure. There are generally two or three main characters. And there are generally two scenarios or layouts that these ads follow.
Scenario 1,
Something funny happens, and a girl starts laughing her ass off. Now there is a dorky looking guy standing beside her with really yellow teeth and that is why he laughing like a hyena, covering his mouth. No seriously like a hyena, literally. And the smoking hot girl gets disgusted by that, because a hyena-laugh isn't one of the most desirable traits in a man. But then the hot girls hears something. Oh, what do you know, its a handsome guy who laughs like monkey on a trampoline getting tickled by giraffe high on ridlin. So, again, here are a set of question to get you thinking.
Q1. Was she rally disgusted with the laugh, or she being a hot, nubile little girl in her early twenties, just didn't want to go around with a guy who looked like he just went through the lawn mower?
Q2. Was she attracted to the handsome guy because he was handsome or was it because he laughed for no F-ing reason whatsoever or was it because of his teeth?
They WANT us to believe that we can score if we use the toothpaste but we don't. I have been using the toothpaste for over a year. No effect. I mean there is also the fact that looking at me or my face is worse than stabbing yourself twice and then hammering nails down on your privates. That ought to give you a good, healthy image to keep you up for nights. If not, well done. If it wasn't for my somewhat charming personality, i would be stoned to death by the doctor who delivered me!
Anyway on to Scenario no. 2,
A hot girl or guy meets another hot girl or guy, and the second girl or guy smiles at the first girl or guy and the first girl or guy is smitten by the smile and the perfect teeth displayed by the second girl or guy. Sometimes there is a twist on this, the first girl or guy is a cop or is supposed to kick the second girl or guys ass, but again the first girl or guy gets a quickie in the corner because the second girl or guy smiled at the first girl or guy.
Now, for questions;
Q1. Again, the first girl or guy are smitten by the second girl or guy because they are, as mentioned above, hot or is it because of their freakishly perfect teeth OR is it because they use a toothpaste that makes their unnaturally perfect teeth white as Bill Clinton?
I also hate deodorant commercials, according to them, if we spray the deodorant of the brand they are selling we will be covered with girls or, recently, its chocolate and apparently girls dig chocolate and therefore they will dig the user. But you must have noticed, most girls were white, and it is a scientific fact that white girls are easier than a fifteen-year-old on hormones. But what i hate the most about the ad is that some guy is getting some because of the deo and i am stuffing my face with raisins. And i know its not real but still. The guy gets PAID for standing there while a bunch of half naked women do stuff to him.
Oh, i am too pissed of to continue... see you guys on the other side of hell...
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Post no. 1 (2 actually)
Okay, i am bored. and i just noticed, that in the last post the last part wasn't clearly visible.
Well, for the benefit of the public and to stick it to anybody who follows the pope, it said; Yours Faithfully, The Pope (Look at my hat everyone!)
Now i am well aware that I might get an incredible amount of hate-mail telling me that the Pope is is actually really cool (what?) and how he is the hero of their people and their leader (the man is seventy years old) but i want to tell you, i have nothing against the pope or your religion or you, you dumbass. I honestly don't believe in religion, though i do like the mythology related to it.
So, did anybody see the Obama inauguration ceremony-thing. I didn't. Why? Because i am not American and i honestly don't care. I know that he is a president and he is the first Hispanic man to be the president of a country full of white trash and gangsta' blacks who like showing off their artillery by shooting 12 year olds on the street, not that there's anything wrong with that. Heck, that is how I do it and i am not even black. But man, I am down with dat!
Again just in case, I am not anti-America, a lot of good things have come from there too (like silicon boobs and playboy) and the world is greatly proud of them for these wonderful achievements.
Now back to what this post was really about;
I have a friend, but i doubt he wants his identity to be revealed on the Internet, so lets call him 'Nick'. Now, before I go on about my stupid story which is not really that interesting, you must know that my school had this 'Sports Day' coming up when this happened, and people were trying out for various athletic events such as various races where you try to run faster than the other man in really short shorts for a piece of jewelery. Yeah, real manly. Now, there is this category of races called the 'Fun Races' (Don't ask me what it is, I just recently joined this school and it was the first time i heard it too).
Now, these 'fun races' are basically supposed to be fun and not that athletic as some other races which are not in this category. In this category of 'fun races', there is a race called the 'backward race'.
This little snippet is for the idiots reading this post, Backward race is a race where people run backwards. And I can also bet one of you idiots came up with this shit.
Anyway lets continue, the 'fun races' began. And soon it was time for the backward race. My friend, whom we have decided to call 'Nick', was participating in this event which is stupider than the time Hitler shot himself. So Nick got in line, he got on his marks, he got set and he went. And boy did he 'went'. The poor sucker was winning until he fell on his hand and broke it in two places with the bone sticking out like a porn star's woohoos. Well, I believe this race wasn't as fun for him as it was for me. The 'fun races' were canceled. Nick was taken to a doctor, and now he has a cast and inside the cast, there are two metal rods sticking out of his skin. Yeah, real fun!
And if you think that's bad, what would the poor guy say when people ask him how he met with this horrible and hilarious fate? Well, i can imagine this coming out of his shivering lips right now; Well, i was running backwards in a race and i fell. Its not that funny, but hey its better than saying; Of course, I'll let you do me in the ass!
Anyway, I have to go now. There are homeless people out there who need running over with a car. So, I'll see you later, crocodile!
Well, for the benefit of the public and to stick it to anybody who follows the pope, it said; Yours Faithfully, The Pope (Look at my hat everyone!)
Now i am well aware that I might get an incredible amount of hate-mail telling me that the Pope is is actually really cool (what?) and how he is the hero of their people and their leader (the man is seventy years old) but i want to tell you, i have nothing against the pope or your religion or you, you dumbass. I honestly don't believe in religion, though i do like the mythology related to it.
So, did anybody see the Obama inauguration ceremony-thing. I didn't. Why? Because i am not American and i honestly don't care. I know that he is a president and he is the first Hispanic man to be the president of a country full of white trash and gangsta' blacks who like showing off their artillery by shooting 12 year olds on the street, not that there's anything wrong with that. Heck, that is how I do it and i am not even black. But man, I am down with dat!
Again just in case, I am not anti-America, a lot of good things have come from there too (like silicon boobs and playboy) and the world is greatly proud of them for these wonderful achievements.
Now back to what this post was really about;
I have a friend, but i doubt he wants his identity to be revealed on the Internet, so lets call him 'Nick'. Now, before I go on about my stupid story which is not really that interesting, you must know that my school had this 'Sports Day' coming up when this happened, and people were trying out for various athletic events such as various races where you try to run faster than the other man in really short shorts for a piece of jewelery. Yeah, real manly. Now, there is this category of races called the 'Fun Races' (Don't ask me what it is, I just recently joined this school and it was the first time i heard it too).
Now, these 'fun races' are basically supposed to be fun and not that athletic as some other races which are not in this category. In this category of 'fun races', there is a race called the 'backward race'.
This little snippet is for the idiots reading this post, Backward race is a race where people run backwards. And I can also bet one of you idiots came up with this shit.
Anyway lets continue, the 'fun races' began. And soon it was time for the backward race. My friend, whom we have decided to call 'Nick', was participating in this event which is stupider than the time Hitler shot himself. So Nick got in line, he got on his marks, he got set and he went. And boy did he 'went'. The poor sucker was winning until he fell on his hand and broke it in two places with the bone sticking out like a porn star's woohoos. Well, I believe this race wasn't as fun for him as it was for me. The 'fun races' were canceled. Nick was taken to a doctor, and now he has a cast and inside the cast, there are two metal rods sticking out of his skin. Yeah, real fun!
And if you think that's bad, what would the poor guy say when people ask him how he met with this horrible and hilarious fate? Well, i can imagine this coming out of his shivering lips right now; Well, i was running backwards in a race and i fell. Its not that funny, but hey its better than saying; Of course, I'll let you do me in the ass!
Anyway, I have to go now. There are homeless people out there who need running over with a car. So, I'll see you later, crocodile!
howdy-ho...
Hello and welcome you stupid, bored dolts,
I am a dick. And I know what dickery is all about, I have seen enough life to know that i am straight and well, honestly; that is all i care about. But you guys, look at you. Go on, go over to the mirror and really look at yourself, I'll wait.
Now, we all know nobody actually did that and i am just making small talk here by insulting you which either pissed you off so much that you'll never visit my blog again or made you want to kick my ass like most people I know, join the club jackass!
OH! There is a third option; you actually found this funny (I pity you worms...). Well, if you did enjoy it, i am glad (and disgusted by your extremely poor sense of humor). Well, let us get this show on the road, well not really, i might end up getting stoned by the public. So come on, bring it... I am waiting...
Yours Faithfully,
The Pope (Look at my hat everyone!).
I am a dick. And I know what dickery is all about, I have seen enough life to know that i am straight and well, honestly; that is all i care about. But you guys, look at you. Go on, go over to the mirror and really look at yourself, I'll wait.
Now, we all know nobody actually did that and i am just making small talk here by insulting you which either pissed you off so much that you'll never visit my blog again or made you want to kick my ass like most people I know, join the club jackass!
OH! There is a third option; you actually found this funny (I pity you worms...). Well, if you did enjoy it, i am glad (and disgusted by your extremely poor sense of humor). Well, let us get this show on the road, well not really, i might end up getting stoned by the public. So come on, bring it... I am waiting...
Yours Faithfully,
The Pope (Look at my hat everyone!).
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